I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my mom, and we’ve been fighting for many years, but it was never physical.
Almost physical times, but they were threats, and threats came rarely.
I dont often speak to my mother, and she doesn’t speak to me. She has been extremely problematic in my childhood, and my love for her wavered over time. Due to her telling me not to lie, I hesitated when she asked me if I loved her for the 100th time. I wasn’t sure, and 5 seconds of silence told her everything.
That was during homeschooling, our relationship has been even more toxic and soured further since that day.
Fast forward a year later, December of 2025, the incident happened. I returned home in an emotional state, but mostly calm. nobody was downstairs, I went by my usual routine, said nothing and went to my room. Everyone was upstairs engaging in some pandemonium with one of the stray kittens that were born in the back yard. There’s five of them, but the black cat is the family favorite, he adapted the fastest and is the calmest. I needed to pee, but I stayed out of the upstairs bathroom because there may have been a mess in there due to dad and my brothers in the bathroom with the cat. Dad decided not to tell me what they were doing, I didn’t question. It wasn’t too weird, nor did it affect me too much.
I went to the top of the steps but mom stopped me.
Mom said in that nasty tone she always uses when she talks to me “you don’t need to use the bathroom downstairs” and kept repeating it. No context, just repeating her words like she was trying to coerce me into staying upstairs. She sounded angry, or at least extremely irritated. If felt like she was threatening me. She gave up after the third time and said I could go to the bathroom downstairs and I did. I didn’t say anything to her and just went downstairs. I may have accidentally gave her a look, since she interpreted something about my silence that made her angry with me. This happens a lot.
I went to the bathroom downstairs and took a minute. I wasn’t mad, just confused and slightly irritated. She knocked on the bathroom door band then straight up opened it. Ive tried setting a polite boundary about her coming into the bathroom while I’m using it without knocking. She often invites herself in the bathroom, in my room, or anywhere without warning and doesn’t listen to boundaries from me. She doesn’t take them well.
She said in that nasty tone of voice “I had a cheesesteak for you, all you had to do was stay in your room. Now you can’t have it.” She kept repeating that I could have had the cheesesteak, then stormed off like I gave her attitude.
(Skip this paragraph if you don’t need any more context. I was already crying on the bus to the metro but calmed down by the time I got home. I don’t feel safe crying at home, since dad keeps saying how it’s my fault for always upsetting Mom, or questioning Why I’m even upset, and mom would criticize me for being upset and remind me I’m not homeschooled and I “have no reason to be crying”.) I felt myself about to cry again, so I decided to just go for a walk so no one would see the tears.
I went upstairs to grab my coat to go back outside and go for a walk. I told mom “I’m going for a walk.” And she followed me to the door and said “no! You can’t leave this house!” And kept locking the door when I was trying to leave for some air.
Mom started getting more aggressive and I told her I need space. She didn’t listen and kept yelling. I didn’t raise my voice. She didn’t listen and I told her a second time “I need space”. She didn’t ask questions, just kept yelling I couldn’t leave the house. I told her I needed space again, this time I raised my voice. I felt trapped.
Just after I raised my voice, she angrily backed me against the laundry machine, calling me disrespectful for talking back to her.
I told her to back up, she didn’t listen. I got angry and scared and slapped her. I was acting on impulse.
She slapped me, repeatedly hit me in the face and tried to pull my hair out. She threw me to the ground, kept beating me and cursing at me.
She was screaming “THE F IS WRONG WITH YOU? HITTING YOUR OWN MOTHER” and didn’t stop until I was crying on the ground. My brothers watched and didn’t intervene. My dad came down to the kitchen, and mom told him I hit her, ignoring me crying on the ground. Dad heard me literally tell him she beat me, and he calmly said “I would beat you too.” No warmth. No sympathy. He took mom’s side and blamed me for hitting her. I ran upstairs to call my aunt for help, I screamed “get out of my life! I hate you!”
She screamed back “I HATE YOU TOO, IVE ALWAYS HATED YOU.” I slammed the door.
My aunt said I should have expected mom to fight when I slapped her, and my uncle would give me an earful for hitting mom. She had also disclosed that mom may have been taking substances or alcohol, citing how normal people don’t act this aggressively.
Dad thinks I’m to blame for this happening, and I’m going to be staying over at my aunt’s house for a week or so. I don’t want to be in the same room as mom anymore, or in the same house. I don’t want CPS to tear apart my family, I don’t wanna get arrested, and dad told me I could be charged if mom pressed charges.
It’s been 7 months since I’ve stayed with my aunt, and apologized for my part in the conflict, but mom never apologized for hers and keeps ignoring my texts and calls to set an olive branch to be cordial. She says she isn’t ready to talk to me, and I don’t think she ever will.
My aunt and uncle want me to have a relationship with my mother because she’s my mother, however I want no relationship with her. I feel nothing but pity, disgust stress, and anger towards her for a variety of reasons that concerned my school counselor when disclosed.
She said nothing for my 17th birthday, never showed up for my school performances at my arts school, and didn’t wish me well for my trip to New York with Show choir.
Radio silence since March. It’s May.
My aunt keeps trying to convince me my parents care. I know my dad does to some extent, but mom could care less. The night I had to be taken to the hospital for cardiac issues, Dad was the one that got up, drove me, stayed with me until 4 AM and expressed his fear of losing me, due to hereditary heart issues on his side. He tried to uplift me, asked if I was alright, made me laugh in a really scary and painful time. Mom never even asked if I was alright the next morning. Just nastiness as usual, which told me everything.y uncle wants me to have a relationship with my parents, from the trauma of loosing one of his own.
I am not opposed to a relationship with my father, but definitely don’t want a relationship with my mother.
Am I the jerk?