I dont know if thats selfish. I dont what im doing wrong.
And I cant ever tell you.
Because I know what you'll say, I know that you'll just tell me Im everything you need. Youll tell me I satisfy you.
And I dont know if you even believe yourself anymore.
Satisfied people dont think about getting a sugar daddy, or about selling themselves out.
And you'll say its for the money. That even though I always take care of you and work myself to burnout, that even though all the bills are always paid its about money.
You never say you dont want it, only that I won't let you.
And it shows. I dont know if actually loved me or are just in because I spoil you, but clearly whatever Im doing is not enough.
And you cant even be decent enough to tell me.
I only want you to be happy. I never want to keep you down. I just wish you would be honest.
Its not an idea you can sell me.
I dont know if its greed. Maybe its just who you are. I just wish you would tell me.
Because the fear is killing me.
I know you want to be poly. I wish I believed you when you said you wanted it to be ethical.
How long will it take, before i come home to the smell of another in my bed? Before I catch you whoring yourself out.
I can't just sit and wait for you to break my heart.
I need you to know I tried.
That I put as much love and work into this as possible.
And im really sorry that I couldn't be enough for you.
Maybe we changed. Maybe we're just too different now.
I have tried to love every version of you.
But I can't do that now.
I can't give you everything knowing it wouldn't fill that hole you have inside, knowing that your incapable of loving me the way I need. The way you say I deserve to be treated.
I always wanted to make your dreams come true, and I was so willing to put in everything I could to make that happen.
I dont know if your scared to admit it, scared to lose me, or if your trying to see just how much I can take before I snap.
I want to believe you love me.
But I can't even recognize you anymore.
We lost eachother somewhere and never quite found our way back.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't think I can keep going this time.