AITA for not visiting my half-siblings for nearly 4 years now?
So first of all, I know how this sounds. I, (19 ftm 🏳️⚧️) have always had divorced parents. I would spend the week with my mom, and every other weekend with my dad. My dad got remarried when i was 7 to a woman he met online. She already had a daughter before this marriage. Around that time, when I was 7+ years old, she treated me like crap. Its good to mention that she's Russian, and we are not. At this time, she would insult me, call me ugly, laugh at me, and basically bully me. Sometimes in Russian, sometimes "behind my back," but just enough so I could hear what she was saying. Im not sure of her age but I'm pretty sure she was in her 30s at this time.
I talked to my dad about this because he came to me first (I didn’t want to cause any trouble between them), saying he noticed there was "tension" between us. At the time I told him we weren't getting along great and I didn’t know why because despite how she treated me, I was only ever there for barely 3 days and I thought I would rather be nice to her and hope she would change, so yes, i really did try to "make amends" even as a kid, which she would ignore and still treat me poorly. (Im talking not offering me food at all, picking on me when i tried to get it on my own which resulted in me starving half the time i was there, didn’t allow me to sit on the table, to go out to the store, or even be on my phone/ipad. Which sounds small but when you're at a house where your dad is sleeping 90% of the time, and the other two people there hate your guts, then its a problem)
Me and my dad had MULTIPLE conversations about this throughout my childhood, but as much as I tried nothing ever changed. And I knew she was also using her daughter (Lets call her Diana) to bully me when i was trying to befriend her. I know this because we would hang out normally, and suddenly after talking to her mom in Russian, she came back with a completely different attitude towards me. I dont know the language, but after a couple of years of random translations and repeated words, you start to pick up on some of it and what it means.
Now, when I was 15, after having countless conversations with my dad about this, I eventually gave up and one xmas decided i would stop coming over. I was depressed and couldn't handle this situation any longer despite therapy & trying to solve this. I explicitly told my dad why I wouldnt be coming over on the weekends.
Since then I havent been able to see my siblings because (my dad sort of sucks) he refuses to take them out of the house no matter how much i suggest we all go out together, and i cannot bare to visit his place. The one time i had to, i had an anxiety attack. He says I should suck it up and visit, and i know im wrong here, but i just cant. Id love to say more but theres a character limit, sorry. Ask anything. Im open.