my partner and I have been together 6 years this month. we've been ENM/polyamorous for about 3 of those years, off and on. it's been a very tedious process figuring it out after she realized she is a cuck, but now within the last year, has wanted to step back from indulging in it and just be a "normal" relationship. the problem is I have a second partner long distance that I got with last January, and things have been going decently well with her (she is simply my girlfriend and not a part of the cuck fantasies/doesn't even know about them). now that my primary has wanted to stop indulging in her fantasies, she's telling me she no longer wants to be open. she says the only reason she "puts up" with me being with my girlfriend is because she just wants us to be happy and she doesn't want to tell me what to do, yet when she decided months ago she no longer wanted to be open, she begged me out of the blue to break up with my other partner.
I told her flat out no, that I'm in a committed relationship to her and we have no issues and that'd be unfair to her. the part I struggle the most with is prior to this shed randomly decided when she wanted us to be open again for cuck reasons, but I hate hookups. then the moment I find a long term partner she wants to close down again. now I've told her how much I hate when she does that and it feels like she just tolerates my girlfriend and I being together and occasionally will bring up how she wished we weren't together. it's our only hang up at this point and it's really upsetting to have her still occasionally sext me wanting to indulge in the cuck fantasy but the moment my girlfriend is mentioned she gets depressed. I feel like an object to her when it comes to this and I've expressed it and she very passionately objects, but then the cycle repeats. I feel like I'm polyamorous with the intent to date and love other people and flirt with them, and she only wants me to do it if it means she can get cucked. tonight she showed me a comment I made, jokingly flirting on an online social media account I have, and she was genuinely upset and yelled at me to come into the room to talk about it. I told her I just wouldn't flirt with anyone else anymore. then I opened a chat from her later on the same app and she had sent me cuck porn. I'm so tired of it. it feels like there's some weird double standard here I've tried to point out but can't get through to her. I do not want to break up, but I also just want it to stop. I miss the openness of being able to freely flirt with friends and feel the chemistry with other people even just for fun, but now I have to shut down that part of me and pretend it isn't there. I have to listen to her point out people she thinks are hot in public and send me cuck porn and talk about how she wants to watch me get fucked yet if I flirt back with someone it's the end of the world. I don't know what to do anymore.