I feel so tricked and angry- do i need closure or am just lying to myself
(Slight mention of triggering stuff)
Okay so this guy has been obsessed with me for several months. Im talking love boming, following me in class, "this is us", etc etc... I was not that into him, but after a while i started falling for him. He would ask me to make out at school and even when i said no multiple times he "forced" it and after a while i started liking it. We hooked up at his house for the first time and it started going down hill, he became less interested, dryer. But on the other hand i grew more and more attached. I didnt fall for the sex part, it was the things in common, the music, the banter... i confessed that i got attached and that i didnt wanna be just fuck buddies. Even when he asked to just keep it casual and i said i didnt want to, each time he called to come over i went like a bitch with my tail between my legs. long story short after a few weeks of back and forth, he said he has a gf and that i should never text him again. He said "shes the one" and that hes sure this time. I knew he was sleeping with other women, but mind you 5 days prior we hooked up, he asked if he could have a photo of me to look at it when he misses me... he ALWAYS sends mixed signals. He's a walking red flag, and i KNOW that hes just a man, who liked the chase and after we fucked the first time he was done with me. I know all this logically but im still SO in love with him. This past few week after we "broke up" ive been going through it. Identity crisis, lost in apetite, depression and even suicidal idealization. EVERYTHING reminds me of him and it genuinely felt like nothing mattered anymore. Unlike previous rejections i had, this one is especially hard for me to swallow cuz like i said i WAS NOT INTERESTED FOR MONTHS and he kept chasing me. But as soon as i start opening up he backs off??? I was peaceful, made so much progress on my mental health, i was locked in at school and on my art, and he screwed years of my progress and for what? A hookup? I feel SO devestated and life genuinely feels so cruel. He gets to walk away like nothing happened, but im stuck here, not going to the gym, not taking care of myself, with school work piling up...its just not fair! But we're adults, he's 27. I don't want to end it all over a whatsapp text saying we're done. I wanna have a face to face conversation. I want proper closure. Am i not worth that at least? I know that deep down there's nothing to discuss. I just want an excuse to talk to him, because subconciously i still think i have a chance. But maybe if he tells me in my face I'll accept it and stop lying to myself. I genuinely don't understand what did i do wrong. I know i didn't do anything wrong but it FEELS like it. And it HURTS. Should i ask to have a final chat, try to fix things? Any advice at all? Why are men like this? Lmao