Heads up I will be talking about cheating a divorce and this is a very long story ahead so
I (21F) have recently stopped talking to one of my moms (I do have two and for the sake of the story we will call her E) for months after I forgot to wish her happy birthday
E and my other mom T, were married for nearly 13 years before they recently got a divorce. This all came to a head last year before my twenty-first birthday when I went to go bug my moms, like all clingy only child’s do, when E and T told me that they were separating, not divorce but temporarily separating. E was going leave in exactly two weeks and I felt the carpet get pulled from under my feet.
Thy told me on how they felt they were very stuck in the relationship and how E felt she need to reconnect with family that lived in our home state, which was now across the country, since we moved during Covid.
My cousin, S, has recently had a baby at the time and that’s one of the man reasons for this “reconnection with family”. The other main reason this happened was my other cousin, M, had graduated high school and sent a graduation invite to not only us but my mom, E’s ex girlfriend. The main reason is that if you guys haven’t done the math, my moms got together around when I was 8-9ish. And before that E and the Ex were dating a LONG time before time and M grown really close and kept in contact with the Ex after they broke up.
E and the Ex reconnected.
Long story short when E left those two weeks, T, had a MENTAL breakdown and the strong wall my mum put up fell, and something said to me in her fit of sadness and anger was “Your mom is gunna leave us and never expect to see her again”. Now this seems like a bad thing to say to her daughter but something also important to know is that E is not staying with family when she moved out and is instead STAYING with the ex girlfriend.
this was all a month before my 21st birthday which by the way we all booked a cruise together for. E had promised me she would still come to the cruise before telling me a week before had that she was not coming.
This started the cycle of her consistently letting me down. We would have heavy conversations and she would leave halfway during our calls or would leave me on read for hours if not days on end. And when she did answer she was always doing fun things with the ex girlfriend.
I was heartbroken and due to E’s lack of interest and return to communication I slowly pulled away especially when she would always tell me she would call me later or text me later and never did. I always had to reach out.
E and T obviously working on fixing their relationship and called all the time because they weren’t divorced yet. And it hurt seeing E beable to call my mum for 4-5 hours and not even spare me 10 minutes.
When she came to visit in October it’s because offical and E asked my mom T, for a divorce and ther relationship got even uglier. And later in December they did have a civil and clean separation legally, E got upset after finding out T decided to start talking (not dating) to someone new(AFTER THE DIVORCE WAS FINALIZED) and she threatened to find a way to take the house and kick all of us on the street.
After that argument I guess E realized she was fixing the relationship with the wrong person and instead started trying to talk to me and fix our relationship. I was so happy.
Then in February everything took a turn for the worse. E had came down her to visit and we did have a deep conversation on why I did not ever want to interact with the Ex and how while I appreciated her helping E in a rough time she made me extremely uncomfortable and explained in detail why.
E had finally confessed that she had cheated on T MULTIPLE TIMES even before the separation with the Ex after reconnecting. And told me she respected that and I thought it was going to get better. Turns out later that night she convinced to Ex to fly across the country for emotional support. And two days later she made me pick on being around someone i just explained I didn’t want to be around or not seeing E again after it being nearly half a year since I last physically seen her. I tried to compromise as ask E if just me and her could go someone out for not even 3 hours and she can spend the rest of her trip with the Ex so I can still avoid her and the Ex wouldn’t have waisted her money for the 3 day trip that was left. And E of course said No because she didnt want the Ex to be one.
I cried for the rest of the day by myself ironically.
I stopped reaching after she left and she would send messages I would sometimes ignore or just not be invested in.
My best friend who I love dearly had an emergency happen the day of E’s birthday and I did my best to support her just like how she supported me during the most rough months of my life. I would like note that I did already buy and had E’s birthday gift delivered and all I did was not actively say happy birthday till 8-10ish that night. E then told me the next day she felt disrespected and disappointed and she no longer wants to told to me. I explained she did the same thing to me AND I explained why it took so long be she never responded.
That was nearly 3 months ago now and some people say i should stop being so stubborn especially since I’m going to our home town to visit my dad and brothers (yes I’m an only child, adopted, but in contact to bio family) for their birthdays and stuff coming up.
AITA for not talking to her and forgetting to wish her Happy birthday? And would I also be the A if I didn’t reach out at all during my trip?
I did my best to include all details without being too vague but if anyone had questions I’m free to answer them.