Hi all! This is my first time posting so I’m sorry if it’s structured weird.
I (f27) have been with my fiance (m32) for about 2.5 years now. The thing is, when we first started dating we had a great sex life. I’m talking 5 times a week which is a great improvement for me because me and my ex husband averaged once a month if not less. But lately I just am NEVER in the mood. And I don’t just mean with him, at this point, I could never orgasm again and be totally okay with it. I don’t even masturbate.
Something I feel I should mention is that around four years ago I was diagnosed with severe chrons disease after a week long hospital stay and a ton of testing. I was so sick, couldn’t keep food or water down, and was losing weight non stop. for reference, I’m 5’3 and before the weight loss was around 125-130 pounds. My lowest weight while hospitalized was 96 pounds. I felt like I should mention that because while I’m on medications, I keep having insurance issues and losing those medications so I tend to feel sick pretty frequently.
Now moving on to the relationship issues. He has since we started dating been implying or accusing me of cheating on him. It has gotten better lately, but it used to be to the point where I had a ring camera in the living room so he could see if I brought anyone home or if I left or whatever. And I do feel it’s important to add that I’ve never cheated on him. However; his girlfriend before me did. And they were together for 7 years. I don’t even have male friends. But he used to accuse me of closing out of apps on purpose when he would come into the room so he couldn’t see what I was doing. Which would prompt me to show him exactly what I was doing while he watched me go back to the app. One time he even said “well how do I know it’s really your dad?” Or if I listen to r&b he calls it “cheating music” and says “it just tells me how you feel about our relationship.” For reference, my mom used to play Pretty Ricky with me in the car while I was growing up. It’s just the kind of music I grew up listening to. And that’s not ALL I listen to. I listen to pop as well. It got to a point where I would become anxious and have to actively tell myself “don’t scroll out of the app since he just walked in” so he wouldn’t think I was being shady. He also checked my phone a few times.
But now, I’m at a loss. Now the issue has moved onto me staying up way later than him to read. I tend to go to sleep between 3-4am because I stay up late reading. And he tells me he doesn’t have an issue with me doing that, but will then say “staying up till 4am doing god knows what” or starting an argument about it.
Anyways, I feel like something is wrong with me because like I said I’m just never in the mood and don’t know if it has anything to do with my health issues, the relationship issues or a combination of both. But I feel like an awful fiance never being in the mood and denying his advances a lot of the time. Just wondering if anyone has any advice that could help.
And incase anyone asks: I have told him that I wouldn’t start planning a wedding unless he goes to therapy. I’ve been asking him to do it the entirety of our relationship once it was clear that he wasn’t going to stop thinking I was cheating on him