Nannying during miscarriage
Hi guys-- this might be a long post, so, TLDR: I'm going through a miscarriage after 1.5yrs of TTC and struggling really bad. It feels like NF doesn't care.
Ok now for the storytime. I've been nannying for this family for over a year and a half. NKs are- 11y F, 7y M, 2y F. When I started, I loved the kids, I loved my job, I loved my NF. After a little while my responsibilities started adding up like CRAZY (housework, meal prep, etc) and then NM starting multiple companies and expecting my support (which I gave, because I lack boundaries, and I'm paying for that now). I make $16/hr.
NM and I have gotten really close, and I know that was a mistake and unprofessional, but I'm young and eager to please and when she wanted a "best friend" nanny I did that. Again, I now have regrets.
She knows that ive been struggling with multiple chronic illnesses and infertility for 1.5yrs. I finally got a positive test a few weeks ago but lost my baby within the week and I feel like a part of me died. I took off the day I started miscarrying to go to urgent care, but she expected me back the next day, so I was back at work in pads + period undies while actively passing my baby, and she hardly even acknowledged it?
At this point, I've lost my love for life in general, it's hard to get up in the morning, but I can't afford time off. I just feel like I'm betraying my sweet baby by spending my days caring for someone else's baby. And I feel like I'm not the best caregiver to her anymore, even though I'm trying, because deep down I know it should be my baby in my arms and not someone else's. I think I just need help.
I need reassurance that it's ok to leave them. I need support in what I'm going through. I need recommendations on what careers people have moved on to after nannying? I just need love and support and I'm so lonely in my career since the only humans I see are NF and my husband (who is wonderful, but I need input from others haha). If you've read this far I genuinely thank you and appreciate you so much💗