How to overcome chronic incompetence?
I'm not trying to throw a pity party, This is a real material pattern, I just kind of... suck. At like everything I do. Most of it with my hands, but I have virtually no internal skills to compensate for it.
I struggle with buttons, pins, belts, tying knots, cooking without making a mess, tying shoes (thankfully can do this consistently but its harder than it ought to be) etc. I'm clumsy, forgetful, I have bad coping skills and stress tolerance, poor impulse control, I can type but its a weird way that is fast but causes bad spelling mistakes, though I'm bad at spelling in general (as is likely obvious). I struggle to focus reading, I have a hard time plugging in cords, I struggle with keys, I often lose balance randomly. I can't put things together, and I can't really watch someone do something and then repeat it. I see it and often just cannot understand it. Remember someone was trying to show me how to roll a joint and I could see what they were doing but it just didn't register and I couldn't imitate. Terrible at math too. You name it, I'm likely bad at it.
Social skills basically nonexistent. I can talk, I can get laughs, I try to be empathetic, selfless, inoffensive, but I just cannot impress or connect with anyone. I've never been anyone's person. Certainly not good with girls either, but that's the least of my concern.
I have some internal skills. I'm a medicore writer, I can do abstract or interpretive thinking about media, but that's kind of it. I can articulate but am more verbose than actually clear. Length cannot substitute substance. I've been told I'm smart, a couple friends have told me I'm too smart to understand sometimes. Sounds like flattery or just a skill mismatch. I don't think there's an Einstein tuck inside somewhere. If there was, he wouldn't have gotten a worthless history degree. Articulation isn't intellegence anyway. But it can be a good actor. But I'm not even articulate. This post could probably be a lot shorter.
I was sheltered as a kid. Parents told me to focus on school. I did, I ended up a B student. I could have tried harder but I didn't get ADHD diagnosed til I graduated. Apparently I'm a top 5% severity case, at least thats what the shape and color test my doctor gave me said. On meds for that now. Have helped me start getting reps in.
ADHD is not a very convincing excuse though.
So I never really got pushed and was left to be raised on the internet. I think "benign neglect" is maybe the term. They were very loving and supportive. Ended up with virtually no friends, no extracuriculars, and fine enough grades. Good for many years, but sort of sputtered out Junior and Senior year.
"Benign neglect" isn't an excuse either. it is absolutley not their fault. Any worthwhile child would have actually tried harder. I take accountability. I just wish I had help earlier.
23, no full time job yet. Had a part time in HS, did an internship for 3 months in Tokyo. That's it.
I just am incompetent to a point it doesn't seem like an identity claim, but more material reality?
How do I fix this? I don't even know how to "practice" being a functional, reasonably capable human being. Does anyone have experience with this?
I am getting a little better. Losing a lot of weight, setting aside time to read recreationally. Applying to jobs consistenty too. Was volunteering but got burnt out. I'm doing somethings but clearly not enough.
How can I reach the level of "normal"?