u/AspectSad5700 — reddlx

to someone;

you were right, by the way. shockingly so.

i do know you, and that’s exactly why i called things out in the manner i did, when i did it. the thought of depending on anyone too much rattled you to your bones, this i understand, because every time before me you’d lean just to be let go and suffer the crash alone.

yet, were you ever actually alone? i was your constant even then, as teenagers, but you always overlooked me for someone else. i never held it against you, though it wore me down to nothingness. therefore… you realized. i know you did.

each time the intensity rose, you retracted. each time attention was brought to it, off into the void you went. like what we were doing didn’t matter, like i did not matter.

you really did have it good for a while, didn’t you? the best of a world you had no responsibility to. you became everything to me and i had to beg for the bare minimum the second i acknowledged it to you. that’s my fault and i realize that, my lack in boundaries tends to get in the way often. of everything.

and so, in realizing what i meant to you, was to admit you depended on something, someone. me. you couldn‘t deny it any longer, because you’d finally put two and two together! the denial from the past was stripped from you, and you took it as a threat instead of nurtured it.

perhaps you wanted to see if i’d “choose you”, but how could i have chosen someone who’d hide that from me whilst i begged for clarity? you were unsafe for me after proving you could be safe. i have enough hardships, too many things going on at once. you used to be so steady, so reliable, that the times you weren’t didn’t affect me this badly. you knew the hell i was sitting in, the reflection of a girl you knew in the past, barely hanging on with her life at the hands of betrayal, and still you had no qualms in contributing to my pain further.

you did want to depend on me, too. you considered it and, i’m sorry. i’m sorry for whatever made you decide nevermind - i would’ve done something to change your mind if you’d have let me - i could’ve been everything you told me you wanted, that you needed, and more. i really wanted to be.

i forgive you for holding your projections against me. i get it in my own way, i didn’t come into this completely clean and i could've done things differently myself, but the outcome wouldn’t be better and we both know that. your mind was made up years ago, when your inner child was freshly wounded, a notion that carried into now and has ruined the person you are.

“why do you cry alone when you’re the one there for everyone else?” i felt that about you for the ways you loved me, i feel it toward myself more so today though. i should have you to lean on, i did deserve it.

however it was never about, or because of, me. both sides are aware.

and you’ll say it is anyway, so you don’t have to admit i’m the actual one that got away, to those in your life that‘ve tried to scope the depths of what you feel for me out, whom you lie to and deflect at when you call them wild for thinking such things (i’ve heard it from the horses mouth, i promise).

we agree that your lack of denial is strange. neither here nor there, i guess. water under the bridge. homies 4L, right? at a distance. apart of my everyday for 5 months without question & gone in a day, yet i won’t tell you how that’s hurt me.

from no one.🌙