u/Asleep_Chard_5785

Går igenom en tuff period nu. Har generellt väldigt svårt att gråta, men klart att det ska vara läge nu när jag har barnen o jag inte direkt har nånstans att ta vägen med mina tårar. Dom har redan sett mej gråta tillräckligt, så vill helst inte visa dom just gråtandet, men att jag är ledsen är inget jag direkt döljer. Känslor är mänskligt o viktigt o allt det där.

Men ibland så kommer tårarna som sagt, det slog mej att jag kan faktist gå ut på en promenad o bara gråta av mej? Eller är det konstigt? Tänker att de flesta är så upptagna med sej själva ändå, så ingen lär säkert märka?

Hade jag mött en gråtande person så hade jag inte kunnat låta bli att fråga om allt är ok, men det kanske också anses konstigt? Om jag nu ens hade märkt av det då.

My ex broke up with me about two months ago, and I’m only now starting to understand how bad his porn addiction really was.

When we were together, I never felt like I was enough. I did everything I could to make him chose me. I crossed my own boundaries over and over, doing things I didn’t even want to do, things that made me uncomfortable.

He would scroll porn while we were having sex because otherwise he couldn’t finish. It broke me more than I realized at the time.

Now it’s starting to sink in how much I actually tolerated.

He would take pics and videos of me without telling, and I know he shared it with some of his friends. My face wasn’t visible as far as I know, but he only admitted it after I noticed and asked him about it. He always claimed he was going to show me first and ask for permission, but clearly he sent things before I even knew they existed.

I can’t stop wondering how many times he might have filmed or taken photos without me ever knowing. It makes me feel sick. I feel betrayed and used.

I also know that some of the people he sent things to would send content back to him, like some kind of exchange. I don’t know how to process any of this.

Part of me just wants him to delete everything, but I went no contact for a reason. And even if he said he would delete it, I don’t think I would believe him. He always had backups of his backups.

Has anyone gone through something like this? How do you even begin to move on, to heal from this? I don't think I'll ever find myself again.