I (59F) am dealing with a situation with my stepson (early 20s), and I’m honestly wondering if I’m wrong.
For context, I’ve tried to be very supportive. I allowed his mother to live rent-free in my old home for 3 years—something I could have rented out—so he and his brother could have stability and graduate high school. He did graduate and later joined the Army, but didn’t make it through basic training.
Since then, I’ve continued helping him. I let him use my 2020 Nissan Altima, and he’s been giving rides to everyone—his uncle, grandmother, and even his own mother—putting miles on my car. I even pay for unlimited car washes, and he doesn’t bother to take the car to get cleaned.
I’ve also supported him in other ways, like getting him a brand new iPhone so he could stay connected and handle responsibilities. Now that things have escalated, I’m trying to figure out how to handle the phone and the bill going forward.
On top of that, I had a plan to buy him his own car within a few days so he could stop using mine. All he had to do was wait.
The situation escalated when I got frustrated and asked for my car keys back. After that, he said he was moving out, got an Uber, and left—but didn’t take his belongings with him.
Now he wants his father to bring him all of his belongings instead of arranging to come get them himself.
He’s also said I’m not helping him and even claimed he “felt unsafe” in my house (this was said in text messages), which really shocked me.
For transparency, there have been issues like him smoking weed in my house and not cleaning up after himself, which I’ve addressed. To be fair, he has helped me care for my father, and I do appreciate that.
At this point, I feel like I’ve done a lot and I’m being taken for granted. I told him he needs to make his own arrangements to get his belongings or come back for them.
AITA for taking my car back, expecting him to handle his own responsibilities, and reconsidering paying for his phone and other support?