My partner (40M) and I (38F) have been together for about 20 years. Initially sex was great however over the years after kids and life happened that has tapered off to none at all. Sex is pretty much nonexistent, we still kiss and hug but that’s about it.
I know he still cares and loves me, he calls me everyday when he’s away from home working and checks in with me to tell me what he’s up to, tells me he loves me everyday.
He’s a great dad and always thinks about our future, how to go about things so we retire comfortably.
He supports my growth personally and professionally.
My emotional needs are still being met, just not physically.
Initially I thought I’d talk to him about the lack of sex and tried having a conversation about it. He said he was just stressed about life and a little unfit and was not interested in being intimate. I suggested he go see a doctor, reckons he already has.
I suggested date nights to bring back the spark however he hasn’t been interested, initially said sure but then didn’t put in any effort and just complained about how much it costs etc. mind you we both work and make ok money so a date wouldn’t blow out the budget.
Whenever I suggest something there’s always an excuse to not do it. He’s not interested in bringing the romance back to the relationship.
After a second attempt at a conversation he said to me that he just respects me too much to want to be intimate and can’t bring himself to see me that way anymore.
He said he felt bad and would even allow me a ‘free pass’ but I’m just not that type of girl who would go sleeping around just because I’m not getting any at home.
It’s gotten to the stage where we’re now sleeping in separate rooms so we both get “better sleep”. He often tries to tell me that it’s not me, it’s just him needing to have good sleep due to being so tired all the time.
I’ve now got to a point where I don’t feel like I can talk to him anymore about this, partly because I know what he will say and know deep down nothing will really change on his end of things.
What should I do? Should I take the ‘free pass’ he’s offering , walk away from a 20 year relationship or be sexually frustrated for the rest of my life?