Hi everyone :) I’m 28F, ENFP, actually went on my first date today lol! I do have to preface and say that I’m a demisexual so my whole life feeing attraction and wanting to be with someone has been very difficulty in fact at one point I thought I was assexual lol
Anyways I had a three hour cafe date with someone today (ENFJ) that I thought went really well. He had a very relaxed energy and was giving more introvert vibes so I took that as a sign to be my ENFP self. When I’m nervous, which was, and when I’m meeting someone new sometimes my ENFPness can go into overdrive and I feel like I did yap a lot and ask questions etc
Anyways the guy gave off really good signs and I honestly am a very good analyser if behaviour (also I am a therapist for a living) and at no point did I feel like he was not into me during the whole date. In fact it was only supposed to be an hour and a half long but ended up being three hours and I asked him if he wanted to leave or had other plans and he was like no we can talk for half an hour more. So again more signs that things that well.
After the date I messaged him saying it was really nice hanging out with him and that I was sorry for not talking a lot!
Over 5 hours pass by and he still hasn’t replied back so I just send a message that if he’s not feeling it then that’a completely okay. He then proceeded to say the overall chemistry wasn’t there and that him going away knowing a lot more about me and me not knowing about him was something that also played a factor. He also made a comment about how he used to be like me when he was younger. I was very shocked by this because in the date itself he did not give any indication at alll that he was not enjoying the dynamic and his body language and him asking questions back did not go against that all. In fact the signs that he was showing made me feel like he was really enjoying the conversation and liked how i was. I hardly ever get thindg like this wrong so I’m just shocked ag how like his behaviours contradicted him thats theonky thing that has really shaken me
I guess its because now i feel like I’m really going to second guess a date and how it’s going - and I won’t be able to believe it’s going well or a guy likes me now. It’s really shaken that up for me. I wish he would have given signs in the date itself he wasn’t feeling it , or like he allowed me to gage that he wanted to talk more etc .
If he said oh I wasn’t physical attraction again that’s fine but why stay for 3 hours? If ur not feeling my personality why prolong the interaction? I just don’t get it and his behaviour didn’t make sense and it’s lowkey given me trust issues
Has anyone felt this way? Will I ever have to repress my ENFPness for a guy to like me for me? Does that mean other extroverts find me overwhelming because make they feel like I’m not letting them express themselves as as much as they would like?
The only reason I ask is because I’ve always been drawn to introverts way more and feel like they mesh well with my personality and there’s mutual draw. Thank you for reading- I’m just feeling down right now and embarasssd and wanted more clarification