Anyone else feel worse about the years they lost than the illness itself?
I don’t really feel depressed for the same reasons anymore.
What gets to me now is something else.
I spent most of my life from around 16 to 30 dealing with mental health issues. I went to two pretty well-known psychiatrists in Mumbai during that time, and both of them treated me for anxiety and depression.
But neither of them really paid attention to my family history. My aunt and my grand aunt both had schizophrenia, and it was never seriously considered.
Only when I was around 30, I met a third psychiatrist who actually looked at everything properly. He adjusted my treatment based on that, and since then I’ve been a lot more stable emotionally.
So in a way, things are better now.
But at the same time, I can’t shake this feeling that I lost some really important years of my life. Like the illness itself isn’t what’s bothering me anymore. it’s the time that’s gone.
I keep thinking how different things could have been if this had been figured out earlier.
I don’t know if this is even depression or just regret or grief or what.
Has anyone else gone through something like this?