u/ArtistRigsSeventeen

Following a 14 month period of being sober, I began smoking again and did daily for 8 months.

Today is my 8th day of quitting again and I'm struggling.

I think it has been easier in a lot of ways than the first time as I knew what I was in for, I also had that confidence since I've proved I can do it.

I'm just so bored and detached at the minute. My other half is away, has been for 4 days and will be for another 6. I feel like I'm just going through the motions and can't resonate with anything at the moment.

Cravings aren't really an issue worth giving energy to because I physically can't get my hands on any weed, no matter how much I want to.

I'm trying my best to not make any major life decisions while I'm feeling like this, but what I've noticed both in my previous attempt and this one is that I have an overwhelming desire to just disappear. Not suicide, but disappear. I have the urge to just burn all my possessions, move to the other side of the globe, change my name, and start again. Last time, I actually looked into flights and ways I could become a complete nobody somewhere totally new. I'm not seriously considering it this time given my life commitments but the desire is absolutely there. I don't know why but I just feel like an alien, I'm not from this place and I am not suitable for this way of living. For me, weed has helped me feel less alien and more in tune with myself, but without it I'm not sure.

I don't know, I'm rambling. Anyway, I'm a week down and hopefully I'll feel normal again soon - whatever that may mean.

So recently I managed to watch the movie! I've been waiting since it was first teased so was very happy to finally get to see it.

I watched it twice. The first watch I wasn't as impressed as I had hoped, it felt to me that the second part was a little rushed. Some chunks of the book were missing or just implied. But I think my frustration came from knowing the book inside out.

However, on my second watch my appreciation grew further. It dawned on me that the book is a monologue from Meursault’s point of view, whereas the movie is from a neutral point of view. So when we watch Meursault giving one word answers, or not even speaking at all, we know that there is some dialogue going on in his head but we just can't see that in the movie.

The aesthetic of the film is beautiful. Black and white, and not over dubbed.

I would definitely recommend watching it if you can (DM me if you want to know where I found it). But I'd also recommend watching it twice. The first watch, you'll compare it to your own version of the story and Meursault portrayed by the book, and, if you're like me, feel a little bit of disconnect. Though on the second watch, you already know what the movie is and what it isn't, so you're able to soak it in a bit more.