It has been three years since I left my ex, and I’m struggling with the fact that I need to let a bunch of my friends go.
I’d been with my ex-husband for 23 years. We met when we were 18, started dating at 19, so our friend group was pretty much the same.
Nearly 20 years ago, I became involved with the burning man community in my city. I was one of only three women on the board of 12 that founded the nonprofit. I was a fundamental part of growing the community here, and helped raise thousands upon thousands of dollars for it. My ex rarely volunteered, and when he did, it wasn’t as a lead or any substantial contribution.
After the divorce, I’ve started to see how problematic the burning man community is. It shelters a lot of alcoholics, drug addicts, abusive men, pedophiles, and rapists. I started pulling back from the community when I was sexually assaulted at one of the events I founded. It’s gone downhill from there.
What I’ve seen is that my ex shows up, spends a lot of money on people or gives out a lot of drugs, and he wins the friends. He’s been invited into spaces that my friends know I will be at. Someone who I formally considered my closest friend engaged in revenge porn, finding naked images of me and distributing them which led to my ex stalking me. They’ve attended my son’s birthday party, which my ex excluded me from, with revenge porn woman there. Revenge porn woman is still welcome back at the camp I founded. My ex is still welcome at events my camp throws. One of the women who is a camp lead *saw and heard my ex abuse me* and is still friends with him.
It’s breaking my heart that I need to walk away from an entire community I helped create, but it’s clear the values there are drugs and sex over safety and inclusion.
I know someone in here has faced a similar situation where you lost a group of longtime friends when you left your abuser. I would love some support and to hear I will come out of the other side happier.