So I've been friends with this girl at uni for more than a year and a half. We were kind of a duo . we studied together and spent a lot of time together at school.
But one day, our relationship started to deteriorate. It's very complex, so I’m not going to explain everything here. We had our ups and downs.
I first approached her because I wanted something romantic, but after spending time with her, that idea kind of disappeared without me even noticing. Then people started telling me they thought we were together, and that kind of brought those feelings back.
I started loving her, I guess… I’m not even sure.
I told her I loved her (worst timing, since we weren’t on good terms at that moment), and she didn’t accept it, not a big surprise.
Anyway, we had a very weird dynamic, with me being more on the demanding side, since I putted her on a pedestal and never tried to hurt her feeling by being rude
Then we graduated and went to different universities for our master’s degrees.
It’s been more than a year now that I’ve been trying to get close to her, but she doesn’t reciprocate. She already told me she doesn’t love me, and I know I should move on, but something in my brain keeps pulling me back to her. I think about her every day, and when I say every day, I mean literally every day.
I feel obsessed, and it makes me uncomfortable. I have strong urges to text her, even though I know I should let go. I’ve tried talking to other girls, but since those relationships don’t last very long, the obsession comes back as soon as I’m not distracted.
This doesn’t feel like me at all. I’m usually not the type of guy who gets close to people easily. I’ve never really felt the need to be in love, since I’ve always enjoyed spending time alone. But one thing I do know is that when I fall in love, I get very committed. And project myself too far.
I’m surprised she hasn’t blocked me yet, or that she isn’t scared of me, because honestly, I would be if someone kept trying to talk to me for more than a year while I clearly wasn’t interested.
I wish I could redirect all that energy into my work, studies, or personal projects, but it’s not working. But to the contrary I feel like I lack motivation for anything else because of this.
I even wish she would block me, since I keep unblocking her whenever I feel the urge to talk to her.
I wish I could see a therapist, but I’m broke right now and all I can afford is Ai lmao.
I know I need to work on myself. I’ve tried doing it alone, but maybe I’m too weak for that, or maybe my method just isn’t effective.
That’s why I’m asking you all for advice. I'm really down rn.
NB about her: she's not a vicious girl even tho she has her own flaws. She's calm smart and very thoughtful, but not very mindful. She's not very sociable , I might say she's a solitary person, since the few acquaintances she made at the uni were through me. She's not the flirty type either. But I hardly believe she's a good person.
We are not from the same background, and she told me once in her family they tend not to date out of their community.
Omg that was long but very empty. My brain is not braining. Thanks to y'all.