u/ArtLoverlady

Okay I’m just going to say this as it is because I’ve been overthinking a lot.

I’m 22F. I studied in an all-girls school and then a women’s college, so I literally had almost zero interaction with men till recently. Now I’m doing my MBA in a co-ed college and actually talking to guys for the first time.

And honestly… I feel so exhausted and annoyed talking to most of them. It’s like they don’t know how to talk to women?? I don’t know if I’m being too harsh, but it just feels very off. There’s only one guy I know who actually talks well and is decent, but even with him I don’t feel anything.

But with women… it’s very different. I actually enjoy talking to them. They feel more emotionally aware, more interesting, idk how to explain it.

Also something I noticed about myself:
I do get compliments from both men and women, but the reaction I have is VERY different.

When women compliment me, I get butterflies. Like I’ll keep thinking about it later.
When men compliment me, I just feel uncomfortable or get this weird “ick” feeling.

At first I thought maybe it’s just the way men say things vs women. Like women are more genuine and soft, and men are more… idk, awkward? But now I’m not sure.

Because recently I realized something else:
When I watch romantic/intimate scenes, I feel attracted to the woman, not the man. And when I focus on the man, it literally turns me off.

I’ve also never had a proper crush on a guy. I always assumed it was because I didn’t interact with them much. But now even after interacting… I still feel nothing.

So now I’m like… am I actually into women??

Or is this just because I grew up around women and I’m more comfortable with them?
Or maybe I just haven’t met the “right” guy? (I hate this thought but it still comes up)

I genuinely don’t know what’s going on and it’s messing with my head a bit.

Has anyone else felt like this before? How did you figure it out?

EDIT: Why am I suddenly getting threesome proposals from men in my DMs?? 😭

Like… what even is this?? I’ve gotten around 10 messages from men saying things like they and their wife want to involve me in something intimate. It’s honestly so creepy and uncomfortable.

I was just trying to understand myself and now my DMs are like this… is this some kind of fetish I didn’t know about?? 😐

Please stop DMing me, this is really not okay.

I don’t even know where to start. I’m really disturbed after a call with my friend, and I need advice on what I can actually do.

My friend already has a lot of health issues. She works a night shift job despite her health problems. Because the job market is so bad right now, she feels like she has no option but to continue. Her parents are also pushing her, and they want her to give her entire salary to them so they can save it for her wedding expenses and gold.

A few days ago, she had a seizure while coming back home. Even after that, she went back to work after just a few days of rest, despite doctors recommending more time to recover.

We got really angry and worried when she texted us about it, so we video called her. The call lasted almost three hours. During that call, she completely broke down and told us everything that has been happening at home.

Her parents have been constantly arguing about her marriage. In our community and state, dowry is still the norm, especially in the form of gold. There is a lot of pressure around arranging it.

Her father had given her mother’s dowry gold to her sister’s marriage in the past. That sister does not even talk to them now and did not invite them to her daughter’s marriage. Because of that, her parents argue almost every day about the lost gold, about how the sister treated them, and about rising gold prices.

Last week, things got really bad. Her father was talking about one of his cousin’s sons, who was unemployed until his 30s and recently got a job with around a 3 LPA package. He said that even he is expecting gold, as it is considered the bare minimum. He said it jokingly, but her mother got triggered and started shouting, saying it is a serious issue.

The argument escalated badly. They started bringing up past issues. It turned from verbal abuse into physical violence, including hitting, punching, and throwing things. My friend and her brother had to step in to stop them. Her brother even got hurt in the process.

Her father started crying, and she said she has never seen him cry before. Her mother also cried for a long time. Neither of them ate or slept properly after that.

The next day, because of all the stress, lack of sleep, and her already disturbed routine due to night shifts, my friend had seizure and had to be admitted to the hospital.

Today on the video call, she told us everything. She also said that when she goes back to work, her health gets worse again because of the sleep cycle and stress.

Even after all this, she is planning to continue working the same night shift job.

We tried advising her not to do this, but she is under extreme stress and feels responsible for everything.

Her parents do not seem to be prioritizing her health at all.

There is also more background. Her father seems to have changed a lot after being betrayed by his sister, mother and brothers . She feels like he now behaves in an emotionally unstable way, almost like a child.

Her mother has already gone through years of mental and physical abuse from in-laws and family, and now with her husband behaving like this, she is also under extreme stress and reacts very strongly.

Overall, my friend’s life right now feels completely chaotic and miserable.

I genuinely cannot watch her go through this.

A few months ago, I also got very disturbed when my own parents argued about gold rates. I even cried in front of them, asking if it was because of me. They reassured me it was not. That small situation itself affected me a lot, so what she is going through feels overwhelming even to hear.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel helpless.

What can I realistically do to help her in this situation? What do I say or do when someone feels this trapped and keeps choosing to sacrifice their health because of family pressure?

I’ve been thinking about the whole idea of living with in-laws, and honestly most of what I hear people complain about is MILs. But I feel like my concern is a bit different.

I feel more uncomfortable about the idea of living with a FIL.

At least from what I’ve seen around me, especially in my mom’s generation, many women as MILs are not as bad as they’re made out to be. They seem more open-minded now, they understand boundaries a bit better, and I’d say a good number of them are actually manageable. So I don’t feel that scared about having a MIL.

But with a FIL, it feels different.

From what I’ve heard and observed, a lot of women feel uncomfortable around their FIL when they live together. Not because something wrong is happening, but just this constant sense of awareness.

Like you can’t wear whatever you want
you feel like you have to dress “properly” all the time
even small things like just being comfortable in your own clothes become an issue
you have to be conscious of how you sit or behave when he’s around

And personally, I’m someone who never wears a bra at home. I’m used to being comfortable in my own space. I can’t imagine having to wear a bra or cover up with a scarf every single day just because someone is around. That thought itself feels exhausting.

I remember my friend’s sister mentioning how uncomfortable she feels whenever her FIL is at home. It made me think… imagine not feeling completely at ease in your own house.

How do women actually feel comfortable in this kind of setup?