Why am I always the bad guy?
Throw away account just in case
I've been working dispatch for 4 years. Supervisor for 2. In my time as supervisor I have had so many issues with people calling me a "bitch" or "unapproachable" and I'm. So. Tired. The first year I was a supervisor my dad died and so I was doing good to show up. Much less handle the stress of the job. I didn't have enough leftover to make sure my responses were easily received by others. No excuses: I know I was difficult to be around during this time both in my personal and professional life. There's no denying that. But I've made so much progress. Going to therapy, going to training, being intentional with how I interact with people. I've improved drastically from my darkest point.
Meanwhile, when I was in training there is a particular person that was almost the reason I quit several times. Downright rude and disrespectful. Terrible trainer. She has since been promoted and is my direct supervisor. I'm a supervisor on shift with her.
The part that is bothering me is I have had so many people say I "yell at them" even give me specific examples of when and I wasn't yelling? I'm very careful about how I approach corrections due to the issues I've had in the past. I can't remember the last time I yelled at someone? A dispatcher told me today that I've made her cry before and called my bitch of a supervisor "delightful". I think we've just all grown so accustomed to her being snarky and rude that it's normal. So any inflection of my voice or corrective actions come across badly because they see how I baseline. So I guess that's my main frustration. She's constantly a bitch and saying mean things but people just laugh it off. Because "that's just _____"
I'm not saying this in a sense of "she gets to be a bitch why can't I?" I'm just genuinely exhausted. I have worked and tried and done so much and cried so much to work to be liked and respected by those around me in this job. I want to cultivate a different culture and I've been trying to... But what difference does it make if I'm the only one making changes? If I'm still going to be the bad guy in their story?
I have come that can't be corrected without getting defensive. So And despite what they say who are they coming to with their questions more often than not? Me. Who is the one most often catching the mistakes? Me. So take a WILD GUESS who is the one typically giving corrections.... You guessed it. Me. I've taken steps to make sure I'm not only talking to people when they've done something wrong. I talk to everyone on my crew for about 5 mins as close to the beginning of shift as possible every day. Just 5 minute check-ins. How are you? How's the family? How did you sleep? My supervisor is very self aware of how lazy she is and how little she wants to do. Not only that but very openly apathetic towards others feelings. She's SO open about it. I've picked up her slack for so long it's just how we operate now.
I don't know that any resolution can be found in all of this. I'm just tired. I'm sitting at my console trying not to cry because I'm so tired of being the bad guy. This hurts and I want to go back to being