Been sitting on this one a bit and I’m feeling the need for validation or not that this is worth the side eye.
I (39F) have been poly 9 years. Generally pretty chill with a lot of things, so when something isn’t feeling right I pay attention.
I was dating Dee (35F) for 7 months, ended relationship in January. Just wasn’t good relationship chemistry. Still friendly, chat occasionally, see each other often with group plans and events. No bad feels.
I have been dating Sam (34M) since October. Dee met Sam through me. They started chatting, trading IG reels sometime after we separated. Sam brought it up to me and asked my feelings on it. I told him have fun. A couple weeks ago he brought it up again that there is mutual interest in exploring the vibe between them and wanted to know if I would be comfortable with it. That gave me some wibbly feelings. I let him know, acknowledged it’s my own to work through and I want him to have fun and connections where he’s happy. He said he wasn’t thinking it would go beyond very occasional FWB type connection. I’m secure in my relationship with him so not worried either way where that goes.
I have seen Dee in person a handful of times recently including two shared events with Sam present and we have chatted a tiny bit through text. She has yet to even mention that she’s been talking with Sam with me.
Even outside of her being my ex, as a friend I personally would acknowledge if I was pursuing a friend’s partner especially if there is opportunity to bring it up easily. Right?
Sam as the hinge for this has been doing great with communication and checking in how I’m feeling. I just am feeling weird that it hasn’t come up with Dee and at this point I know it will come off as harsh if I bring it up to her because of how off it feels to me now.
Or am I just overthinking this?