🌽 addiction in young men
Asalam Alaykum, for the past 3 years I was in a non halal relationship with a woman, I had every intention on making it halal but my iman and I guess her iman was also low not that it’s an excuse it’s just the truth. We had our fair share of issues throughout the course of the relationship which led to constant “breakups” and get back together. Recently she discovered my addiction regarding pornography Onlyfans even as far as me searching up escorts (nothing physical ever happened but none the less it is wrong and disgusting) in a way I see it as a test from Allah that got me out of a non halal relationship and for both of us to get closer to him on our own accord. I’m going to say something for all the brothers, even though I wasn’t married and she wasn’t my wife but wallahi the pain and hurt I caused to someone I deeply cared about traumatised me in a good way in the sense that I know it’s something I need to overcome for when I get married in the future to a potential spouse. It’s fascinating to myself that I really never saw it to be a major issue especially living in a westernised country where it is so normalised but none the less it is a brain residing disease. Wallahi brothers I am not the most religious but this really has opened my eyes up to navigating this as an adult and has also brought me closer to Allah but please if you are going to get married sort this out first IT IS NOT FAIR to any women especially one that fears Allah and has saved herself for marriage to have this be kept from her or have this traumatise her. We are men, but there is no shame in going to a therapist and having this overcome, set aside the ego set aside the macho “I’m a man and I have urges” I’m also a man I understand more then anyone else but after seeing the damage I have caused to someone wallahi let it fear you.
This is a very emotionally charged post I understand but please please take my word for it
Jazak Allah kheirhun and may Allah guide and forgive us