Do I tell my cousin’s [25M] postpartum wife [25F] that he “cheated” on her?
For context, my boyfriend (25M) and cousin (25M) are best friends. About a month ago, I (22F) found out that my boyfriend cheated on me twice in the beginning of our relationship by going to these bikini drive-thru places (basically a drive-thru convenience store strip club thing) and paid women to sit on him so he could grope them. I know people may have differing opinions, but to me and for my relationships, it is cheating. It has been devastating and painful, and we are currently on a break because of it (and other betrayals but that’s unrelated).
When my bf confessed everything to me, he also told me that he had gone with my cousin some of those times. Apparently my cousin has been doing this throughout his whole relationship with his wife (25F).
Now I’m really conflicted about whether I should tell her.
They just had a baby a little over a month ago, so she is freshly postpartum. I actually found out this information right before she gave birth. We are not super close, but we do go on double dates and stuff like that, and I’ve actually gotten a little closer to her recently, especially with the baby and helping her more.
From my own experience, the longer this kind of information is withheld, the more painful and devastating it becomes. My bf kept things from me for three years, along with other betrayals, and that has honestly shattered me.
My bf did talk to my cousin about the importance of telling her, and apparently my cousin said he was still very fearful to tell her. My bf also said my cousin mentioned that she hasn’t been feeling like herself lately and hasn’t been eating as much, which I guess is normal postpartum behavior, and they also just moved recently.
My bf made it seem like my cousin maybe wants to tell her eventually, but he also made it seem like he probably won’t tell her anytime soon, or maybe at all, who knows.
Now every time I see her, I feel pain in my chest because it reopens my own betrayal trauma (this is really heavy for me) and I also feel like I’m lying to her too. Like I’m part of keeping it from her now. I hate that so much, it pains me.
I’m really conflicted on what to do. I know if I were her, I would want to know. But I also don’t want to completely blow everything up or have her shoot the messenger and ruin relationships in the family.
I really need some advice on this. Do I tell her, do I not tell her, or maybe just insinuate that something important happened? I genuinely don’t know.