I grew up sheltered by both my parents. Its both a blessing and a curse.
Imban old soul. I get along well with older people and have conversations and ehat not. Thats me.
My father in law passed away suddenly 5 years ago. That destroyed me. I still havent properly grieved him. At the same time my father broke two ribs. Come to find out he was also diagnosed with alzheimers/dementia same thing if you ask me. I experienced him go from normal to unable to walk,talk or do anything. Nut you could tell he was still in there. They put him on hospice and said he had months. My dad hung in there for 5 years. Last xmas day i had planned to open gifts in the morning then go to mom and dads. Things were going as normal when i got a call from my nephew. He simply said papa is dying you need to get here. I quickly gather everyone and we leave pajmas and all. On the way there this car road raged me and my family by throwing tlstuff at us eventually crashing into us getting out of the car and coming to our window to yell. So that shaved a good 40 minutes from my trip. Hit and run btw but thats another story.
When i get to my dads he had the rattle. I was there for about 4 hours and the hospice nurse came and said it would be time anytime. She gave him some medicine and my father started to actively die. I held his hand and the behind his head and told him goodbye as he passed. I could see him gasping for air. Every breath longer in between until there was no breath. I could see his neck struggling to take that one more breath. I really wanted him to but he dint.
My mother left the country in march because she couldnt bare it in the states anymore. So she moved close to my fathers grave.
I havent properly grieved. I dont know when i will. I feel pain and cry from time to time but the pain that i feel warrants a stronger reaction. Im hanging by a thread.
I was 170 now im 125. The feeling right now is like im in point nemo in a round raft and it doesnt mattwr which way i paddle im not getting anywhere soon. I dont know why i even wrote this. I guess i just wanted to record my words so i can come back to this.
People please if you have parents that are alive. Hold them 4 minutes for the 4 hours i spent with dad on his passing day. Give em a kiss. Tell them you love them. Ask them about their parents and how they grew up. Record their story.