u/Aristurtle29

I posted about this the other day, but my illness got worse today, and this is the only safe space I have in my life.

I’ve been dealing with fatigue for years. These past couple weeks, it’s been the worst it’s ever been. It got really bad today and yesterday. I can’t even sit at my desk for an hour without brain fog. I even asked my internship supervisor for a reduced workload for this week. This never happens. I usually love achieving things and getting things done. I had a 4.2 GPA in college doing what I love.

I tried telling my mom what was happening. She just gave me a list of demands and kept rubbing in the fact that I’m out of college and am being held to higher standards now. She kept rubbing in the fact that my life is wasting away and told me that I’m not trying hard enough to get better.

My doctor called it a moral failure after one blood test. I’m scared to see another one. What if they put something on my chart that makes other providers not take me seriously?

This isn’t me. I’m usually productive and determined. I’m in two research labs and I have an internship while I build a resume for grad school. But I’m exhausted all the time, even doing things I like. I wish it was just depression, because I have the tools to deal with it, but I know in my body that it isn’t. This is something different.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night, but I was too tired to do anything, so I just sat there, frustrated with myself. I made myself cry because I couldn’t get the energy to get out of bed. I’m so angry with myself, almost as angry as my parents and doctor are.

This isn’t a way to live. Please tell me I’m not crazy, because my doctor said this is normal, and my mom is calling it a moral issue I did to myself.

For some reason I can’t see the comments. So if you ask something and I didn’t reply, it’s likely that your comment isn’t showing up for me and that I’m not ignoring you

It’s at the point where I can’t even work an hour before collapsing. I’m so frustrated with myself, I’m going to cry.

My doctor took one blood test and told me there was nothing wrong at all. From one blood test. She told me sleeping fifteen hours a day was normal for a twenty-something year old woman.

There is so much to do and people I care about are disappointed in me. I am tired of people telling me I did this to myself. It’s been years dealing with this, and it’s been the worst it’s ever been these past couple of days. I am tired of the constant brain fog and the pains in my back. I am tired of people chalking it up to a moral failure when they don’t even know me. I am tired of people trying to convince me that I somehow made myself this sick on purpose. I am tired of people telling me I’m depressed when I am not. I have been depressed before. It is not that. There is so much that I want to do, and so much that I’ve been looking forward to, but I can’t get out of bed to do it.

I am tired. I am tired. I am tired.

This cannot be normal.

Hey folks, as my dad and I were leaving expo tonight, a security guy asked us to move aside because there was an emergency. Anyone know what that was about?