This might be a long post. P.S english isnt my first language.
Met my ex in a semi-traditional way (mainly because her family lives abroad), a close family member knows her mother, we exchanged numbers and started to explore if we are a good match. Three dates in we were certain that our values match, there was a lot of chemistry, and perhaps we were made for each other. Talked about future plans/hobbies/timeline/children/deal-breakers/etc.. and everything seemed to be going very well. Some differences were there mainly that she was very talkative while I am the exact opposite. I made it very clear from the beginning that I wasn’t talkative and would love to work on myself and be more communicative with her help. I also explained that differences are healthy in a relationship but she did not hold the same opinion.
Three months in I fell in love with her, felt like she was the one, and I even asked to talk to her father. It went pretty well and I asked if we can set up a family visit in the next week to introduce both families. We both felt like things were going nicely in terms of both families being similar at almost every level. Had my father call her father to read Fatiha. I come from a family that portrays Fatiha as a pre-engagement while their traditions portray Fatiha as an actual engagement. Aside from that both families are of the understanding that an engagement delegation would take place followed by an engagement party.
A month after our Fatiha, we agreed to set up the engagement delegation in a month and a half followed by an engagement party. During that period, I started to notice that I am always the one making compromises (because to me that is true love), having to apologize for both my wrong doings and her wrong doings. She kept pointing fingers on my flaws vs me letting slip almost all her flaws. She was overly jealous even though there was no reason to act this way. Any time I point out that she’s done something wrong the tables would turn citing my reaction. I have literally asked her to help me communicate better but I was met with continuous acts of using my words against me, to a point that I started to think twice before saying anything to her. We went through a few arguments that would only end at the cost of me compromising just to hold things together, to keep the peace. I was never one to complain even though i’ve bee going through a lot, and the day I told her i’m tired I need to sleep since I’m having a hard time at work, her response was and I quote “what the **** does the have to do with me”. I felt extremely disrespected and thought about the entire time I supported her while she was stressing from work especially that she got laid off work 10 days prior to that. I spent the entire night thinking about how arrogant and disrespectful that was accompanied by all the times I let go of her behaviour as opposed to her belittling me and pointing out my flaws on multiple occasions, all the times she guilt-tripped me to feel like I’m in the wrong, the times I let her break my red lines, the nights I spent trying to make her feel loved and appreciated and understood. I felt drained.
I woke up the next morning expecting at least an apology to no avail. I decided to end the relationship once and for all. I went to talk to her and explained that I wanted to breakup and was faced with her crying and playing victim (which she did on multiple occasions). I then spoke to her father who was also kind of disrespectful, but I still managed to stay calm.
I felt like that was the right decision at the time, especially that we had a huge fight two weeks before that but somehow managed to overcome.
5 months after the breakup and long sleepless nights, I still feel like I cannot move on, I still think about her daily. My brain tells me that I did the right thing, but I still feel guilty. Sometimes I think that I should have pointed out all her flaws told her the exact reasons I’m leaving, but I just couldn’t let her feel so bad.
I went to a therapist because of the guilt, thinking I was an avoidant, thinking I was heartless. My therapist explained that some of her behaviour was manipulative and that I should work on my self-esteem. She explained that time will heal, but I still feel locked in a loop.
My heart wants her back but the more I think about jt the more I realize I shouldn’t have accepted her behaviour. How can I move on if im stuck in this loop?