venting
I hate him so much today. I hate that I let him take over my life. I hate that he meant so much to me. I hate that he's all I can talk about. I hate that he looked adorable today wearing my favorite of his clothes. I hate that I gave him a billie eilish shirt and I want it back. I hate that I let him consume my life so much that I forgot about school and my goals and my friends. I hate myself for failing a class even if it was just Spanish. I hate that I cry all the time. I hate that I lie to my parents and don't follow through when I say I'll do something. I hate that I'm disappointing my family. I hate him for existing. I hate him for talking to my friends. I hate him for being happy. I hate him for sitting behind me in class. I hate him for not doing anything that warrants hatred. I hate him for not doing something for me to hate him for. I hate that I still love him. I hate him for making me feel like this.