My mom is always on me about everything and I don't know how to deal with her. Her behaviors include a lot of things, but here are the key things
Never focuses on accomplishments and hovers over me with failures
Whenever I get a bad grade my mom does nothing but taunt me with it for weeks on end. I live in an area where there is a prestigious STEM magnet high school. After taking the test for it I was waitlisted and my mom did nothing but act like I was a complete failure and apparently everyone around me is better than me. When we were having our 8th-grade awards ceremony, I was bummed out near the end because I didn't win anything. My mom sternly said without looking at me, "it's because you don't deserve one. you think you're so great". Those words stuck with me the entire night and I spent the entire summer thinking I was a failure. Over the summer, I ended up getting into the STEM school, and my mom didn't even seem to care. She just told me to accept the offer and suddenly it was like the months of torment over not getting in just didn't exist. It seems like my failures deserve weeks of taunting and torment and to this day she still brings up embarassing things from years ago whenever she's lecturing me. But when good things happen to me, it's like it's just a passing memory. When I got onto a leadership position at a high membership club at my school, something I had interviewed for, the response at home was lackluster. It was a "good job" at most, then she just does not seem to care.Lectures me about being independent but does not let me have any autonomy anyway
My mom is constantly on my case about "no one is going to look after you as an adult" and "you need to be street smart and do things for yourself". I get this, and I know that. Sometimes I have trouble with this and let opportunities slip me by, and have never once denied that it was my fault. Sometimes she had to find opportunities for me and almost force me to apply to them. Sometimes I achieve something, sometimes I don't. I'm close to adulthood and for the first time in a long time I feel like I'm getting stuff done without external force from my mom. I'm turning in my homework on time, I'm emailing my teachers about tests, make-ups, classes, etc. I organized a job interview with a place and I am likely to get the position. But for some reason, my mom feels like she just HAS to insert herself into this. I had been working for months to let my theatre teacher skip the beginning course and go straight to an advanced course and it was going well. I told my mom over and over she does not need to do anything, but she kept on emailing the counselors herself. Whenever she is away, even though I am turning in my homework consistently, she still forces me to take pictures of my homework and send it to her or request constant calls. She bases this entire belief over a couple particular times where I was not able to get things done on time, but since then I have grown but in her eyes I have not. I'm not sure if she just has an innate belief that I am inherently unable to be independent, but it's pissing me off that she rambles on and on about independence, but the moment I'm able to do things on my own, my mom HAS to insert herself into the problem, often times where she does not understand the problem and blows it out of proportion
- Deflective and emotionally manipulative
When I try to talk to her about any of this she finds ways to make it not her fault or shift the blame back onto me. I had just talked to her about these behaviors today and instead she called me "ungrateful". At times she just brought up another unrelated problem or did not answer it. I told her there was never one time where I got a good grade on a test that she cared about it for more than a day or two, and she said she does that loads of times, and when I asked her to tell me a single time, she did not answer. She always manages to flip it around to being my fault and never admits she is wrong ever. Any "apologies" she gives is just because she doesn't want me to cry over it so long. She is not genuinely sorry, she just finds me annoying.
Overall my mom is a completely abusive and manipulative parent who believes she needs to micromanage me just because of a couple failures when I was younger. All she does is damage my self-esteem and at times it feels like she does stuff just to break me down. I completely hate her and I resent her voice and just being around her brings my mood down. I hate having happy moments around her because I know she'll forget about it the moment anything goes wrong, and I'll spend another night with her grating yelling. I plan to cut her off and go no-contact. I don't want to talk to her as an adult ever again. But for now, I am still a couple years away from adulthood and just want ways to deal with her.