When my husband was 18, he went on a two-year mission trip to East Africa. During that time, he started sponsoring an 11-year-old girl through the project (this began in 2014). We met in 2023 while on a surfing holiday. His mission experience was one of the first things he told me about; he’s visited that village at least five times since his mission ended and talks about it almost every day. I’ve always tried to be understanding of how much it means to him.
Last August, we immigrated to another African country for his job. We visited his old project for a holiday, and I think he expected me to immediately fall in love with the village. However, the environment was actually very similar to my upbringing in Central America, so I wasn't as "starstruck" as he hoped. I think he was disappointed that I didn't share his exact romanticized passion for the area. During that visit, I met his "goddaughter." She is now 21 and was finishing school, so we all went out to celebrate.
Shortly after, in October, my contract with an NGO ended due to funding cuts. I lost my job and fell into a deep depression. My financial situation became very unstable, and I’ve been trying to scrape by with low-income freelance work. While his salary covers our fixed expenses, I have struggled with the "pride" of being dependent. The winter here was brutal and nothing like LATAM; at one point, I even sold my own computer because I was too proud to ask him for money.
Two weeks ago, I discovered the following:
- He paid for her entire graduation party in November.
- He has been sending her $200 every month.
- In March, he sent her $600 for a new laptop.
- He is currently planning to spend $2,500 on a course for her.
I told him I feel betrayed. I realize now that I didn't speak up enough about my own needs because I didn't want to "bother" him, but he knew exactly how much I was struggling. I told him she is now an adult and needs to start solving her own problems. I find it incredibly uncomfortable that he is sending that much money to a 21-year-old woman while his own wife is selling her belongings to get by.
He argues that in this region, it is impossible to find a decent job after high school without help. I know he’s right about the local economy, but I feel like I should be his priority.
AITAH for demanding he stop sponsoring her?
Edit : 1. I forgot to said that I do decided to came back to Europe, he told me “No, our marriage is too young“ I do agree.
2. No, my husband is a DJ, no humanitarian worker.
- No, we don’t have a lot of money. ANd yes, I started working in something else, teaching English and German on different platforms but isn’t that well paid.