u/Araoska

As much as I love myself and have the patience and confidence, sometimes life is way too hard and I think about ending things. I don’t want to die I want to keep living and experiencing the things I love but sometimes it’s so hard to just live. I’ve had to pay so many probation fees and court fees, over 1000 dollars and I’m still unemployed. I found out today my gym membership is overdue so now I’m almost -100 in my bank account. I haven’t bought anything for myself other than food in almost a year. I start working in June but I don’t know what to do until then. I find it hard to forgive myself for my mistakes since they’re actively coming back each week in the form of fees or just ptsd reminders. I practice meditation and mindfulness but today I woke up wanting to end my life. I dream of buying fentanyl and just going off alone so nobody can find me. I don’t want to die but I don’t see any other options. My school loans are overdue and might affect my credit, I don’t start working until June but I don’t even have a car since mine broke down last year. I sold it for parts and I’m just now running out of the funds as of now. I thank my car every day for providing me with cash. I’m only 24 and it’s so hard I wish I could just ask my family for help but I don’t want to be a burden