u/Appropriate_Tip3412

Assalamualaikum everyone, my AS exams are here in a week. Predicted grades are all high As, inshallah I will be able to score all A* by next year. My question is, government almost out of the question right, so what about private med schools. Unka kya scene hai. I know aga khan is good and im trying for it but lowk don't think my extracurriculars are good enough (mun awards, mun chairship, prob vice pres next year, environmental society projects, js that). What are other good options. And say worst case scenario i get like 4 As or god forbid a B or two next year, what options would i have. And are priv med colleges considered the same worth in degrees, especially when going abroad or even staying here, or are they at a permanent disadvantage against the government people. And what NUMS, what are their colleges like, pros and cons etc. i should also mention I do not care at all about social life, I'm willing to go through whatever torture is needed to become a doctor.

This is a pointless post. I'm just going to rant I think.

I hate porn. I hate it so much. I cried for hours just now. I keep relapsing. Its been going on since i was 12, and im 18 now. I prayed, i even failed in Ramadan, I've never done more than 16 days despite trying for more than a year now to actively quit. I just don't get it. Why can everyone else quit it and I can't? I feel so dirty and impure and hate myself even more. I don't know what to do. At all. I genuinely feel like filth. I've made countless dua for ages to quit, but to no effect. I feel like Allah has abandoned me. And, the type of stuff I've watched is so depraved I deserve to be abandoned and burn in hell.