As the title says, I am extremely insecure. It is not my boyfriend’s fault, but an issue I struggle with because of my CPTSD. I’ve been with my boyfriend for one and a half years. We are long distance, but have known each other for around five years and he has come to visit me in person multiple times. He is extremely loving and supportive.
I, however, am extremely insecure and worried that it could ruin our relationship. I constantly worry or get paranoid that he’s upset about something and won’t tell me. I worry that I’ll be too much for him or won’t be able to make him happy. I’m disabled both mentally and physically so I don’t get out much and spend 99% of my time at home other than for doctors appointments.
He’s very good at reassuring me that he’s not going to leave me or get sick of me etc. but I struggle a lot with abandonment issues. I feel so awful and guilty that I let my issues get the better of me. I get stressed if we don’t talk much during the day. It’s not anything that I lashed out at him for and I encourage him to spend time with his friends or take time for himself. I just get extremely mentally distressed and struggle a lot with codependency. I’m trying to be better by spending time with friends or focusing on my hobbies when him and I are not spending time together.
I have PMDD and my paranoia and insecurities are always a million times worse during my period. He’s very patient and sympathetic, but I still feel so wracked with guilt. I talk to my therapist about this stuff, but I still want to work hard to work on my own issues to better our relationship.
Can anyone offer me advice of how to help myself feel more secure or stop questioning things so much?? Any advice, self help books/workbooks, podcasts, videos, etc would be appreciated. Thank you!!!