u/Appropriate_Place562

How do you detach from this church of Apple cult mentality? With the new sales metrics and services focus shift of Apple Retail, working here fucking sucks now and I don’t have any company pride left to give. This place has sucked the soul out of me.

I’m in therapy right now and something that has come up is how my identity has been tied to Apple. In my opinion, working for Apple indoctrinates you to prioritize the company above yourself, give daily gratitude prayer for the "amazing opportunity!" it is to work for this company, and instill their values to your personal life. You can never get away from it. The constant reminder that it's harder to get a job at Apple than it is to get in to an Ivy League school is cringe. It's a false equivalent! #1: You gotta be able to afford that school, #2: You can't compare a shitty retail job to a prestigious school education that will get me a better paying job. See what I mean?

For context, I'm an Operations Specialist. Being in Ops feels like a dead end. Managers literally don't give a shit about you or your development unless you're on the floor selling for their priority metrics. But guess what Manager, we can't sell shit if it's stuck on a pallet that's been sitting in the corner for hours and I'm out on the floor selling not prioritizing my Orchard Operations metrics. They don't realize that our work is also a priority and part of the customer journey/experience. Meanwhile Manager shit for brains gets a fat bonus for all of our hard work meeting Store Trends Report goals. You yourself may or may not get your shitty $100 gift card "Applause Bonus" or some slave stocks and shit raise in your review for all your hard work to meet these new commission style metrics. Kick in the balls when we celebrate the billions in revenue year over year. But please be grateful for your job and benefits from Queen Lesbian Hair's latest Hello video. Sure Jan. Homegirl Deirdre is so out of touch with our reality of interacting with customers and our experiences. Her store visits are incredibly disruptive and it's just a dog and pony show. How's that for Pulse feedback? lol FYI your responses are not anonymous. They are confidential. Big difference.

Here are some things I've started doing to help my mental health:

• Putting away any Apple logo items and not wearing them except my Apple shirt to work. Hard to put away the products I own them all. Lol But I cover up the logo when I can like having a non Apple Store case on my phone.
• I leave the store on my lunch breaks to get away from this shit hole and so nobody asks me questions.
• I don’t hang out with coworkers outside of work. Love some of them but we always end up discussing work matters and I don’t want to do that anymore. I also blocked them all from my social media.
• Leaving work on the dot and answering no questions after I clock out.
• Using all my sick, vacation, and leave time. Fuck this place I’m taking back every single second that they’ve stolen from me.
• Force myself to do hobbies after I get off work (cooking, hiking, reading, video games, movies, tv). I pour so much of my energy to my work because I care about doing a good job, at the end of my shift I have no energy to do anything else when I get home. I get stuck ruminating on the day of what I didn't finish.
• Working on my exit plan. Looking at other jobs outside the company. This is scary but I'd never thought I'd feel this way until this past year. I no longer align with this fake culture and shift in the company. Everything is a theatric and I have no patience for it anymore. I can't be my authentic self anymore.
• Saying no. I removed myself from anything extra that's not in my role guide. I have been doing so much extra shit that has gotten me nowhere but added stress. Volunteering, Engagement Team, Employee Health and Safety Team, Apple Camp, Visuals, ISE's, Apple Events, NSO Mentor, DNA's, and anything else extra curricular. I'm done. Only thing I'm trying for are CE's to get experience. Not sure if that will be a ticket out of Retail now since they don't do job offers anymore like they used to. We're just retail scum to corporate people that don't have a retail background doing their slave labor.

Would love to hear how you guys detach from Apple and not bring that shit home. Hope everyone is doing well! Hang in there.

Hey y’all. Trying to navigate my frustration like everyone else. I think of things like no expectations (which is hard) and having strict boundaries. Like I’m on the apps for a reason. Yes I’m going to have reasonable expectations of what I want out of them. Here are my thoughts so far. They’re a little scattered as things have come to mind so I numbered them. Would love to hear your strategies specifically for single men looking for a partner. Please be kind, respectful, and constructive. I’m not here to bash anyone’s lifestyle choices. Just want some sound advice and guidance on what has worked well for your success in finding someone that matches your effort. Thanks for reading it you do!

P.S. These are my thoughts typed out by my hands, a human. For the fucktards that think this is AI. lol

1. No offense to open relationships (I’ve dabbled) but I ignore these profiles. I’ve already tried being a third in multiple relationships and it’s just not for me. The end of each of those stories is jealousy when one of them shows preference for me. I’m just trying to have fun like them and then it gets weird. Like bro I don’t want to keep your husband that’s your thing. I’m just here part time that’s why I’m single and don’t want that commitment for this type of friends with benefits deal. In my opinion you can’t delete jealousy. It’s a human nature emotion. Every single human being has their own insecurity tied to this emotion. And for every other type of emotion for that matter. Even securely attached people struggle with insecurities. Omg they’re just like us!
2. I’m starting to realize to get the treasure you have to play the game. It’s literally a video game. You gotta get out there and shit can the profiles that don’t align and strategize to get what you want.
3. As soon as naughty pics are traded or there’s an intent to meet it’s over. I perceive a “next best thing” mentality. Nobody actually wants to meet up. Apps are just entertainment, again like a video game to waste time. Let’s have an endless text adventure to pass the time to fluff your ego and give you free validation. Sure Jan.
4. I’ve tried the gay meet up groups and haven’t had success there either. It turns to drugs and alcohol (I’m 2 years sober now) and I don’t want to associate with that kind of shit anymore. I’ve tried volunteering/hiking/Pokemon card/book events and never met my kind there. Hence using the apps help you actually find other gay people with similar interests.
5. On my profile I don’t put anything sexual on it. Not even hidden naughty pics or shirtless. Just me, clear face, or full body and smile participating in my hobbies with a list of my interests. My intent is to get to know someone for similar interests and compatibility. I think the gay community puts sex on a pedestal and that you need to be sexually compatible first for the emotional intimacy entrance exam. That is a false equivalent in my opinion. You can’t build a solid foundation from “he sucks my dick just right.” Do you have similar values, interests, and a growth mindset? That’s what I want to know for a person I intend to make my parter and maybe if he’s lucky my husband. Believe me I’m just as horny as the rest of you but I want to break the cycle of this “sex first” herd mentality of our kind.
6. With hookups I feel like I’ve outgrown them. I don’t feel any satisfaction from hooking up with beautiful strangers anymore. I just feel gross after and ask myself why did I do that? Sure I got my nut but post nut clarity really opens your mind and cuts the bullshit. I feel like gay culture trains you to use the apps to hook up with as many people as possible to “spread your seed”. But being gay there is no biological advantage for that behavior. I just wonder why we’re like this. Is it just the existence of being a gay male and having that persistent need for sexual desire? Sexual freedom doesn’t mean be a shitty human being and treat people like a cum rag to be tossed. But here we are. We treat other men to be disposed of after we nut. I’m guilty of this behavior in the past because I thought hey everyone is doing it so I should just fall in line and not care. The point again is to break this cycle. For me anyway. I want to lead my life with kindness and respect for my own people.
7. I’ve also had moments where I do actually successfully meet someone. We have an amazing time. Then after a couple weeks the ghosting happens. This is the part that pisses me off the most. Just be a fucking man and tell me you’re not interested anymore or that you found what you were looking for elsewhere so I can move on. Don’t keep me on your back burner. But no we have to play the stupid guessing game. If I show too much interest they disappear. If I show little interest or act indifferent to not seem desperate they try harder and love bomb me. There’s no middle ground. And just trying to be myself is not enough. I have to put on a show or be something they want me to be. I’m not doing that shit! I already have to play theatrics for my job where I get paid. I sure as hell am not doing all that for free in my personal life. I’m gonna keep it real and be my unapologetic self. If someone doesn’t like it swipe left bitch and peace be with you. ✌🏽
8. I’m of the mindset that your significant other should not complete you. You should be your own entity with your own agency of your life. Your partner should complement your life to build and add to it, not subtract. My partner should be my confidante and best friend. I should be able to confide in my partner for anything. Yes I’m gonna have my own friends to do things my partner is not interested in. I expect him to be different and have his own interests. Example: I hate rollercoasters. My partner better find someone else to do those adrenaline junkie activities with because I will not be participating. I tend to always end up with men that are adventurous like that so I expect this kind of thing. Lol
9. Hot take but I don’t care to be in an open relationship ever for sexual desires. I don’t understand this lifestyle and I honestly don’t care to. It’s just not compatible with me. I will respect anyone’s choice to be in an open relationship. All the couples I know in my area are like this and I’m friends with them. I’ve asked them questions on this topic and also have participated in fulfilling their sexual desires. Common denominator that I’ve observed is their negligence of respecting each other’s boundaries. Example: Jason loved when I bite him and gave him hickies. He liked being marked. His husband Brandon later shared with me that he did not appreciate me doing that to his husband. I respected Brandon’s wishes and stopped. But Jason insisted it was fine and that he wanted me to continue. I later got in trouble by Brandon for overriding this. For context I only played with Jason. I don’t like threesomes and was only attracted to Jason. They knew this from the beginning. In my experiences of playing with couples I only played with them separate or just one of them with all parties being aware. They did not communicate their boundaries clearly to each other. End of that story we fell out and I’m not friends with them anymore. I also just thought it was weird to treat your open husband like your property. My future partner is sure as hell not my property or my sex slave. He can do whatever he wants. If it doesn’t align with me and it creates conflict between us we will have to discuss that to resolve together. Cross that bridge when we get there.
10. I have also tried being friends with potential guys first without sex and seeing how that plays out and if it grows into something more. This approach has been the most painful. I thought this was the “correct” way to get to know someone to build a better foundation. It has led to unrequited love from one side of either party. Eventually I part ways or distance myself once they share their feelings or I share mine. I don’t want to give the wrong impression. I know what it’s like on both sides and it’s extremely uncomfortable and painful. Nobody wins here. You have to have an extraordinary amount of emotional intelligence to keep going here and set aside your feelings for the greater good. What does it cost? Everything. I would not recommend this path. The friend in question would keep me as their emotional anchor while they go and get fucked by losers they complain to me about. It feels like torture. I liken this scenario to heterosexual “just friends”, a man and woman. Down the road is gonna lead to someone feeling some kind of way. Spend enough time with someone with potential and something grows. What that is just happens naturally. Two horny single gay men that spend all their time together? Yeah something is gonna give eventually. I keep experiencing it over and over again. I find gay friendship easier with people that are coupled already so I don’t fall into that pattern. I don’t fall for a guy that’s already accounted for. In my experiences with gay friendship, I have not had a single positive experience. There is ultimately an ulterior motive to use me for something they don’t have or just for my cock. My closest friends are women, my sister, and my straight buddies.

Long story short: I “broke up” with my best friend of 5 years after I confessed my feelings for him and he did not reciprocate my romantic interest. It’s been 2 years since I last spoke to him and haven’t got over it even after all this time. A near death experience has triggered my feelings for him again.

It’s really true what they say, when life flashes before your eyes. I saw flashes of him and our memories. All I could think of was what I’ve been missing not having him in my life. My feelings aside he was always a great friend that was there for me. Sometimes I feel like I was being taken advantage of and used my feelings against me or treated me poorly when traveling together. He had known I had the feels for him since we first started hanging out. I could never get a straight answer on how he felt about me until I made him tell me how he feels or I can’t move forward with being kept in the dark. Once he finally gave me a solid answer that’s when I knew I had to fall back. Maybe that’s why he never wanted to tell me the truth because I did exactly what he feared. I don’t know the answer to that.

I wrote an email that I thought about sending him. I’m not sure if it’s just this sudden urge to tell the truth after I almost died. What would be the point though? I know if I allow him back in my life again I’m just going to get stuck in a cycle of pining for love that will never return to me. I’m always going to feel inadequate and not good enough for him but he still wants me to be his everything. It’s a shit deal and I don’t know why I’m even considering this. I guess I just miss him dearly. He’s was my favorite person in this shitty existence that I’ve ever had being around, he felt like home to me. It doesn’t help right now that I’ve secluded myself and basically have no friends anymore. I just spend my time alone in solitude and go do things without company. Would love to hear from anyone that’s been in these shoes. Thanks for reading!