My husband called me a “terrible fucking person” today, and I’m trying so hard not to believe him. That’s what he wants. But it led into an argument and ended with me crying in our room alone, wondering if he was right. Am I a terrible fucking person and I’ve been wrong about myself all these years? I hate what he does to my mind. It doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to say to someone…but as someone who has created an identity around being a good person, it’s like a punch in the gut. We’ve been married 10 years, and he’s slowly chipped away at my self worth with name calling, belittlement, diminishing my feelings, mocking me, etc.
He came home with flowers a couple hours after, threw them on my lap, and said “here, don’t bother me now”. He saw the tears start streaming down my face and miraculously switched to a nice person. He was all “I’m sorry” and hugging me. It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted. Until next time.