![[Progressive Rock] Pause by Jimmy, Pack Your Bags](https://external-preview.redd.it/iJQ--fB09QKKTSIWTcq24hPMvzIqqB0tTM6MpUW5UjI.jpeg?width=140&height=105&auto=webp&s=b357d286abdd752ddf58eebdf5b8c42d3ec7e823)
Pause is about the seemingly endless cycle of pausing the tape recorder with my alcoholism and hitting play the next morning. I always said someday would be the day I would conquer it. Thank God I did, but it was an utter hell and abyss.
Verse
Grave days of nothing were all I ever knew
Straight chasing a feeling that never can exist
So much pain and left confused
I lost myself, my choice, my mind to anything that I could use
To numb myself both in and out so I could pretend to carry through
From deep within, it crippled me, it beats me down so low
To be in hell inside myself is like nothing else I know
The poison pill, this pain I swill
My lips both break with toxin
I feel the shudder down my spine
My darker half just walked in
Chorus
Disengage all of my rage
Instead of leaving, here it stays
I can’t see because all the grey has blinded me
I cry afoul for all my falls but it was I who caused it
Cause my thoughts are down and I evacuate
So I don't crash back down to the default state
Verse 2
Steps towards nothing soon become my default
These walls crumble as I mumble that I’ve had it all wrong
I reach for something more, something in life that could be peaceful
Something that does not create a chase within myself
To become something else than “Me” and grow and learn to be *more[scream]*
[Brief pause and slight buildup to chorus]
Chorus
DDisengage all of my rage
Instead of leaving, here it stays
I can’t see because all the grey has blinded me
I cry afoul for all my falls but it was I who caused it
Cause my thoughts are down and I evacuate
So I don't crash back down to the default state
Break Down
[Scream & Harmony] Tearing through the skin of everything I’ve been!
[Scream & Harmony] Feed the cycle, let the grey begin!
[Scream & Harmony] I AM THE WALL I’M RUNNING AGAINST!
Bridge
If I’m the wall that I can’t knock down
Perhaps the answer I have now found
It’s only me, no person, place, or thing
Has control if I give them peace and grace
Freedom now is in my hands, I stand and take my place
Chorus *Crash Down*
Disengage all of my rage
Instead of leaving, here it stays
I can’t see because all the grey has blinded me
I cry afoul for all my falls but it was I who caused it
Cause my thoughts are down and I evacuate
So I don't crash back down to the default state
Disengage all of my rage
Instead of leaving, here it stays
I can’t see because all the grey has blinded me
I cry afoul for all my falls but it was I who caused it
Cause my thoughts are down and I evacuate
So I don't crash back down to the default state
Hi everyone - My name is Jimmy and my band's name is Jimmy, Pack Your Bags. I sing and write lyrics after I find free instrumentals on YouTube of certain types of music I like. I write about recovery from alcoholism and mental health crises and try to connect with those still in the dark fighting an opponent they cannot see. This includes substance abuse, mental health disorders, grief, trauma, and anything that has put a hole in your being that makes you feel empty. The whole purpose of the music project is nothing more than togetherness via music. I'm almost comitted suicide many times and music really did hold onto me by bare fibers. As I am in recovery, I have removed my image and face from the project after realizing after nearly a month that two weeks of posting my picture with the music was going against the whole idea of this and the mission. I posted a video about my fuck up and what I learned from it if you care to listen, it also includes my recovery story. I am curious just for opinions.
Here's my process:
- Find free instrumental music of type of music (punk, rock, etc)
- Write lyrics to the song, usually taking some time to refine and just use as a release at first. You can tell Suno the exact song structure, instruments, etc. and how you want it to go (i.e., my stuff that has the orchestra)
*The first two aren't always done in this order*
- Record and remaster free song / or create a song in Suno/OpenMusicAI based on genre type (hardcore, punk, alt-rock, indie), preferred instrument lineup and participation, plus tone (emotional, passionate) and style (more specifics within genre: Melodic-core, Punkcore).
- Record vocals to BandLab with a decent Mic and Maono mixing board.
- Upload music to BandLab and make individual stems of the music (vocals, instruments)
- Remaster them in BandLab stems
- Run through Suno for polishing only, no content change at any point after the song is written and recorded.
- Post online
https://www.tiktok.com/@jimmypackyourbagsmusic?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc
www.youtube.com/@jimmypackyourbags
Would love to hear your thoughts!
I was thinking today as I'm currently battling some things, I literally cannot remember a time when I genuinely liked/appreciated something and I DIDN'T get hooked or obsessed. Every.Thing. Alcohol, porn, THC, overeating and even in sobriety (fuck) with woodworking, art, music, etc. I overdo it. Always.
There are moments where I just wish one executive function related to a dopamine release just stayed level and didn't become a chase immediately. It's exhausting and, while I know I'm not broken and don't need to be fixed, this shit automatically makes me go there immediately, because if I wasn't, then why does this happen with everything good in my life that I enjoy.
I'm truly thankful to God that I survived my catastrophic alcoholism and severe mental health crises, and I have found peace and serenity in the near 4 years since my last drink, but it's exhausting to think about the fact that everything I love, I lose myself to at some point.
Tis the signal that I have a lifetime of work ahead of me, and some days, that realization just sucks.
I'll keep on and do the next right thing for the right reason, but just needed to get that off my chest.
Be well fam.
I've got nearly four years since my last drink and suicide planning, and I recently allowed my peace and serenity to be disturbed/crash to the floor and it was all my own fault. Any time I set f*cking expectations of people, places, or things, I am always met with disappointment, like clockwork. I don't know why I do it, I mean there are a shit ton of reasons. I want you all to like me and approve of me when in reality that doesn't matter one iota in relation to my happiness. Insecurity, fear, and many others are sticks I seemingly throw down in front of my path of travel and then cry afoul when I trip. This world is so damn difficult to navigate in so many different ways without even the slightest consideration of trauma, mental illness, neurodivergence, substance abuse, or broken families. Throw those in and I used to wonder "Seriously, what the f*ck are we even doing here?!" and honestly, sometimes still, can drift back there if I'm not on my own ass and being honest towards the things that actually matter: God, my abstinence from alcohol, my family, and giving back to my community.
Happiness is me and if I choose it. It's not a reward for good behavior or given to us once "A-Z are completed" Seeking validation or anything else from others is as toxic as anything else I can get myself into, and has nearly f*cking killed me on several occasions. I can't believe I did it again, but need to understand this is a long journey and I will stumble.
Most importantly, I don't need anything that isn't freely available to me at any given moment in order to be OK, and that's f*cking awesome.
I've got nearly four years since my last drink and suicide planning, and I recently allowed my peace and serenity to be disturbed/crash to the floor and it was all my own fault. Any time I set f*cking expectations of people, places, or things, I am always met with disappointment, like clockwork. I don't know why I do it, I mean there are a shit ton of reasons. I want you all to like me and approve of me when in reality that doesn't matter one iota in relation to my happiness. Insecurity, fear, and many others are sticks I seemingly throw down in front of my path of travel and then cry afoul when I trip. This world is so damn difficult to navigate in so many different ways without even the slightest consideration of trauma, mental illness, neurodivergence, substance abuse, or broken families. Throw those in and I used to wonder "Seriously, what the f*ck are we even doing here?!" and honestly, sometimes still, can drift back there if I'm not on my own ass and being honest towards the things that actually matter: God, my abstinence from alcohol, my family, and giving back to my community.
Happiness is me and if I choose it. It's not a reward for good behavior or given to us once "A-Z are completed" Seeking validation or anything else from others is as toxic as anything else I can get myself into, and has nearly f*cking killed me on several occasions. I can't believe I did it again, but need to understand this is a long journey and I will stumble.
Most importantly, I don't need anything that isn't freely available to me at any given moment in order to be OK, and that's f*cking awesome.