u/Appropriate_Car9843

Im a lesbian. A few days ago I was talking to my bisexual friend about a straight girl I found attractive. I was telling her how I thought this girl was super beautiful but I wouldn’t date her, when she asks me why I told her that it was because for starters she was straight two because she was too skinny for my personal liking.

Im a petite girl as well so she asked me why that would matter if im skinny too and said that I sounded like a man. I find a-lot of different types of woman attractive, studs, mascs, fems, stems, you name it im there. But I noticed that the type of women I like to date and the women I like to be sexually intimate with are different.

When it comes to sexual intimacy I would absolutely have sex with a girl as skinny as me but when it comes to something in the long run (relationships) I would prefer to be with a woman thats bigger than me. All the women Ive been with have been bigger than me and thats just my preference. Does that make me an asshole? Ive been thinking a lot about how she said I sounded like a man and it’s been poking at me. Is it wrong that I wouldn’t date a girl thats as skinny as me?

Im 17 and I just had my first clubbing experience. I enjoy dancing and drinking with my friends and Ive gone to house parties before, because of this Ive always thought Id enjoy clubbing because I always viewed it as house parties but better. When me and my friends got there it was pretty empty because we got there early so we started dancing and waiting for it to fill up. As we were dancing I noticed men looking at us as we’re dancing on each other and I got pretty uncomfortable because since it was empty everybody could see each other and I felt anxious. I usually get uncomfortable dancing on my friends around men but I usually just ignore it, I didn’t think Id react the way I did. I went into the club bathroom and locked myself in the big stall. For some context I got raped a year ago by a stranger (28) and I recently got groomed by a 31 year old so naturally Ive been feeling anxious and uncomfortable around older men. Ive never had a problem dancing at house parties before even though theres guys present but something about seeing older men looking at me and my friends dancing made me feel so uneasy. when I locked myself in the bathroom stall my friends kept banging on it asking me to please get out. I started spiraling feeling like an asshole for leaving my friends, feeling guilty for feeling the way I did because my friends kept saying that they spent so much money for us to get in and that I wanted to be 18 and that this is what its like and obviously other girls in the bathroom started to notice the situation so they started banging on the door and trying to get me out too which made me even more anxious and made me want to come out even less and even when my friends weren’t in the bathroom I could hear girls talking about me. For a little more context I recently went to court for the rape that happened a year ago and obviously the defense makes you feel like its your fault when questioning you so in that moment I felt like “well here you are drunk at a club dancing for men to see no wonder you got raped”. I feel like such a baby for the way I reacted but in that moment I felt so anxious and I didn’t want to be perceived by anyone. The 31 year old that groomed me would always talk about him going to 18+ clubs and how’d he would always pick up girls. The club is usually filled with creepy older men like him and the thought of being sexually perceived by one of them in the moment made me physically sick and I started throwing up because of how much I was spiraling. I ended up being in the bathroom stall for about an hour or so I really don’t remember but I got out when my friends told me that we could leave. I don’t know if my extreme reaction was because as a lesbian I felt uncomfortable with men perceiving me sexually or because I had recently gotten raped and groomed or both. I just want to know if any other lesbians or sexual assault victims feel this way. Maybe I just don’t like clubbing? Or maybe I need to try lesbian clubs or maybe I just need to wait a bit before I start partying again.