I don’t think I’ll ever get past retroactive jealousy.
Almost 2 years with my boyfriend. He loves me so much and we do great together. Literally nothing wrong. I found his possible ex’s Instagram (highly likely) and all I can think about is how she looks so much more conveniently attractive than me. She’s skinny while I’m plus size (I know this is something he specifically likes about me but I can’t help but still hate myself for the difference), she’s one of those cooler emo girls and I’m extremely girly but almost to an annoying way. Everything I have is hot pink and childish but it’s just me I guess. I know logically this makes no sense but I’m hurting inside because I wonder if people see who he’s with and wonder why he downgraded. I tried to do my makeup and take selfies (helps sometimes) and feel cute but I still feel empty. I won’t tell him about any of this because it really shouldn’t matter, I had long term relationship before him that was abusive and he didn’t have any before me, so why do I care? This mental illness makes 0 sense and I hate that I can’t get out this pattern of looking her up and feeling empty about who I am. I’m 22 and too old to be having a tantrum of jealousy like this.