I was deceived about Mormon Stories. Let me explain.
When I first encountered "Mormon Stories" on YouTube, I saw thumbnails like "Mormon Bishop Loses Faith", "My Temple Experience Broke Me" etc. I took this to mean that this podcast was absolutely antithetical to my religious beliefs, and John Dehlin was ruining church members. THEN I had a family member interview with him (full disclosure, their interview took place outside of "Mormon Stories" and the experience itself was not church related), and I became certain. This family member has struggled with mental health in such a way that it is still difficult to discern their true experiences from false. John Dehlin's willingness to put their story out there sealed the deal for me, and I wanted nothing to do with him or his Stories.
-BUT- As the world turns, and I got older, wiser, and more desperate for truth and not placation, I rediscovered "Mormon Stories". Members who had experienced abuse, members who were silenced for having legitimate concerns, members who were desperately trying to live the gospel and hating themselves for it... hit too close to my own experiences, and I again pushed "Mormon Stories" far from my mind, afraid it would shatter the veneer of what bit of faith I had left.
Then, I allowed myself to fully read, not skim, the Saints book and the Gospel Topic Essays. I had avoided it for a long time (years), because many friends and family read them, and left the church. It was shocking, and my testimony was fragile because of upheaval in my life. I prayed long and hard that it would lead to truth, and understanding. That it would teach me why the traditions, apparatuses, and methods of the church worked as they did. My study led to horrendous gossip of me and my family in our ward, and I ultimately was called in and "schooled" by my Bishop over an instance that hadn't even happened. He shut down and interrupted everything I tried to say.
I prayed that night, that God would forgive me for leaving the church. Then the floodgates opened. I NEEDED to know that I wasn't this one, lone child of God that He was trying to cast off, and didn't want returning to Him. I needed to know that yes!, church experiences come with depth, range, and not everyone thrived in the Mormon church. I needed to know that others were willing to take the leap into the unknown. I needed to know there was joy post-mormonism.
I also needed to learn that "Mormon" will always be part of my heritage, and that "Mormon" is still a part of me and has influenced who I am and who I will become. Being "mormon" isn't an experience that is owned by those enjoying their religious experience, or enjoying the perks of the institution. It is simply heritage, experience, and the identity of all who come under it's banner.
Thank you, John Dehlin for helping me not be alone in one of the scariest times of my life. Thank you for allowing me to see that "mormonism" is messy, multi-faceted, and even beautiful. Thank you for showing me that there are many that left for peace and stability, not for sex, drugs and avarice. I was genuinely scared I was not going to be able to maintain being an honest and chaste human who could still say "no" to vice, because I left the church. (Although that superstitious view is a little embarrassing now).
Thank you for Mormon Stories. Your podcast helped me find peace. I now find joy in worshipping God. I have learned to truly respect the agency of those around me. I am grateful for their stories, and mine.