I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a while now, and I’m starting to feel like our relationship has turned into more of a friendship than a romantic relationship.
Earlier on, I used to flirt, initiate kissing, be playful, and show physical affection. But a lot of the time she seemed uncomfortable with it or reacted negatively, so over time I stopped initiating almost everything except basic stuff like cuddling.
Now we basically don’t have any real intimacy. I don’t flirt anymore, I don’t initiate kissing, and I avoid physical stuff because I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. The problem is, now I feel uncomfortable initiating anything at all because I’ve kind of trained myself not to.
There’s been signs like:
- she told me with one of her exs they had to have planned scheduled sex (she was like 19 at the time)
-Daddy issues and past Boyfriend issues, both toxic examples of partners to her. She’s been cheated on before and a whole bunch of stuff. And her Dad cheats on his wife all the time and he’s weird to girls. I’m saying this because growing up seeing that behavior in Men and dealing with it changes you.
-Given multiple reasons in the past
mad that I don’t know when I nut, I eventually told her that I actually do know but sometimes I just don’t. because a lot of the times we have sex were drunk or high or both and that sometimes messes with finishing (np getting hard and I have cummed before but not everytime so she used to blame that, I just didn’t wanna tell her that because I didn’t wanna hurt her feelings.
in the past all her exes just used her for sex and she had a lot of self worth issues and she wants a relationship that’s more then sex
She’s terrified of getting pregnant and doesn’t want to because of that reason
Eventually when I brought up or she did, I don’t remember but that we don’t flirt or have sex much, she eventually blatantly just told me she doesn’t really like flirting or sex (that’s was like month ago)
And since then I’ve just dialed it back. We haven’t had sex in like 5 months now.
At this point, our dynamic feels pretty platonic. We hang out, talk, and spend time together, but it doesn’t feel romantic. There are even moments where I think she might want me to initiate something (like a kiss), but I don’t act on it because I’m unsure and don’t want to get rejected or make things awkward.
I don’t know if this is what she actually wants (a low/no intimacy relationship), or if we’ve just drifted into this because of how things played out earlier.
I care about her, but I also feel like something is missing, and I don’t know if this is something that can be fixed or if we’re just incompatible in terms of intimacy.
Has anyone been in a situation like this? Is this something that can be worked through, or is this usually a sign the relationship isn’t right?