I started dating a guy that is a Christian, I would say he is lukewarm. I have fallen away from the lord heavily , I met him during a low point in my life . but have been trying to come back.
Ive only ever have been in toxic realtionships. I struggle with mental health. I struggle with needing a chaotic environment to thrive . Really early before we even dated we had pre martial sex . He told me he loved me .
We havnt been together long . I find myself very emotional. Bored . Sometimes depressed around him. He treats me good but I feel like it’s not enough attention, im chaotic , thrilling , he is calm . Non chalant . I do feel love . I deeply care about him but I’m not in love yet , I guess because the sex was rushed with him im confused why im not in love . He is patient with me. And not controlling . He cares a lot about me , but I feel like we may be in compatiable personality wise . He doesn’t talk much. It feels like we don’t have much to talk about when we are together . I feel alone in a way. Yet apart of me reallt doesnt want to Leave him because I love him . I feel bored . In this realtionship. Yet I talk for hours and dont get bored with my best friend . But me and my best friend are chaotic and dont make the best choices . I grew up in an abusive household .I like going outside constantly and doing things . He just is the opposite , a homebody. Mabye I am just not emotionally ready or mature enough. Or it doesn’t meet my needs ?
After months of straying from God I finally picked up my bible and decided to pray and open up to a random page. Unironically I opened up to Song of Songs . A verse saying “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires “
And then that verse also popped in my mind . “Love is patient , kind , etc etc , it got me wondering what exactly God is trying to tell me .
Should I walk away from someone who loves me , the first time it’s been real back ? Or maybe God is trying to advise i break it off . I feel like I’m rushing the process to fall in love . Mabye im used to love bombing . And I just don’t feel it because this is what healthy looks like . It just feels like God is giving me my answer but I don’t know how to interpret it if that makes any sense . I’m not sure if I’m happy . But I asked him to make a way to remove it if this is not meant to be my husband .