I'm 53, married a long time, and I've slowly come to terms with the fact that I'm the unreliable one in my marriage on household stuff. Not in a dramatic way — I'm not blowing things off — but where my wife asks me to handle something, and then I let it sit while I eventually get to it on my own timeline.
I posted on another sub, and the answers I got were that the problem was me;
- my wife shouldn't have to be the project manager
- shared task lists don't help because the task is still in her head, just visible now
- I should give myself a deadline when she asks, put it in my own calendar (not a shared one), and follow through
- trust rebuild only happens over time, not through better tools
I think all of that is right. What I'm trying to figure out is the how.
For people who used to be the unreliable partner and aren't anymore — what actually changed? Was it just willpower and accepting the reality check? Was it a specific system you put in place for yourself? Did you use a calendar, a notebook, an app, sticky notes? Did your partner do anything different, or did you just have to fix your end alone?
I'm especially interested in the early weeks. The "I can't depend on you" realization is one thing; consistently giving and meeting timelines for the next six months is another. What got you through the gap?
Not looking for "just be more disciplined" — I know. Looking for what specifically you did differently on a Sunday morning when your partner asked you to do something.