Performance Advice needed -long sorry
Hi All,
Our story is all over the place. My husband and I have a 3.5 year old who we had no issues conceiving. In October 2024 we started trying for our second. We got pregnant right away but that ended in a loss in December. We were cleared to try again next month and got pregnant in January 2025. At 21 weeks we got diagnosed with Severe IUGR and Oligo, after 3 weeks from hell we decided to terminate. the termination was challenging and I had to have a D&C a few days after due to hemorrhage . We do not know why this happened- all tests came back normal. We got cleared to try after the next cycle and got pregnant a few months later in October but had another loss (MMC) ending in a D&C in December 2025 due to T21. We started to go through fertility work up in October 2025 and resumed it in January 2026. We found I had asherman’s from the losses so we took a break and had the scar tissue removed. My husband also had slightly elevated DNA frag (all else with his semen analysis was fine) so we made lifestyle changes, including him getting on lexapro. His lexapro kicked in within the last two weeks. I can visibly notice a change in his mood and personality.
We were cleared to try in April and I just exited my fertile window. We attempted to have sex 5 times. we also tried doing at home insemination as he wasn’t able to ejaculate during sex- that also failed as he couldn’t ejaculate with or without my help. We have never had this issue in the 14 years we have been together. Right before my period started in late March we had sex and everything was normal. My periods are long so we basically started trying right after I stopped bleeding.
My husband is beside himself and I am also really struggling with hope for the future. I’m sad that we missed this window (even though it wasn’t for the lack of trying) but even more concerned that we won’t be able to make next month.
We are waiting on a meeting with his urologist next week (we have had scheduled for the past few weeks) as we were trying to decide on doing IUI to try to eliminate some of the dna frag issues (anything to potentially reduce the risk of another MC - but we can’t afford IVF) and figured we would try this cycle while we waited for the appointment.
I am not sure what to do. His personality and happiness in general is a 180 (it’s been a tough year for us) so stopping the lexapro is also not ideal. I know lexapro causes performance issues so I was doing research and he was considering ED medicine but getting an erection isn’t the problem so I’m not sure how helpful that would be.
Any insight? Any thoughts on lowering lexapro dose to 5mg (currently on 10) and adding Wellbutrin (sp?)? Switching to another med like Wellbutrin that doesn’t typically cause performance issues?
Should we stop meds all together and deal with the emotional setback so an IUI is successful in May?
I am in such a loss and the waiting is killing me. I know we are both doing everything we can but our daughter is really asking constantly for a sibling and we have had so many set backs that emotionally this is getting tough.
We are really looking for anything that will get him to be able to at least ejaculate in a cup for an IUI in May. He has done it with no problem 5 times in the last few months so we know that isn’t a problem.
Thanks in advance