u/Appropriate-Base316

Serious Question: What if I don’t want to go to heaven or hell, and would rather just be nonexistent (after death)?

I’ve been struggling with the idea of being obligated to follow certain rules when I never chose to be born in the first place. Sometimes it feels like if you don’t meet those expectations, the outcome is going to hell.

I’m not trying to justify doing wrong (sinful) things or being a bad person, but the amount of expectations, especially as a woman, feels like so much sometimes, to the point where I’d rather just not exist at all or receive any rewards.

How can I deal with these feelings? Is it haram to think this way?