I [28m] am dating a wonderful woman [31f]. She is so funny, kind, hard working, thoughtful, the list could go on and on forever. We share similar life goals and values. She is amazing in so many ways.
We dated for a year in 2023 and fell in love. We broke up when I moved away for work. We always stayed in touch and cared for each other a lot, but weren’t dating (I really hate long distance). Our jobs have brought us close together again and we hit have fallen right back to how it was. We are talking about a future together and how to make it work long term.
My biggest hang up is this. I don’t find her body “sexy” (don’t really know a better word). I find her actions and our way of being sexy, enough to have a good physical relationship, but It’s not her body or the way she looks that is enticing to me. It’s not a problem for me now, but a a few friends and many on the internet said I shouldn’t be with her. They have said it will become a problem for me as a man. That I won’t be able to stay in a relationship without that type of physical attraction. I don’t feel that now, but what if they are right. I don’t want to build this life if it’ll fall apart. I know this seems drastic, but people really seem to think it’s inevitable. I don’t think it is, but don’t want to hurt her by being naive like people seem to think I am for having faith in our relationship to last.
The other issue is that she deserves to be with someone who appreciates her body in ways I don’t. Am I being mean to her by not telling her the way I feel and having her commit to this life with me. I don’t want it to come up someday and she feel like I’ve lied to her or didn’t give her all the info upfront. I just don’t know.
I don’t want to tell her because I know it can be so damaging. I don’t want her to feel like she isn’t amazing, worthy of love, etc. because I don’t see her body in that way.
Am I wrong for not telling her and still dating?
Not sure if I can ask for advice as well, but what is the right thing to do?
Tl;DR
I love my partner and want to spend my life with her. I don’t find her body “sexy” and don’t think this is a deal breaker. Some people tell me it is and that it’s wrong to date without telling her or date her at all. Don’t want to tell her because it could be really harmful to her self esteem. Am I wrong for wanting to dating?