Im a SAHM of four kids 4 and under. I thought a good husband was a partner in everything. A best friend. A man who would want to tell me everything, chat about our days, balance each other. Talk about goals, keep each other accountable, show interest.
He says he doesnt feel wanted, I dont initiate. I wipe his piss of the toilet seat, pick up his dishes, pick up his trash. I feel like his maid his mom. He rarely tells me about work or what's going on with his friends. I want to be old one day and reminisce about "how hard it was when the kids were little and the business was struggling but we got through it together". But there are many times I think to myself that I made the wrong choice. I just dont think he really understands how to be a good husband (or father).
One time when we were still dating (but like 2 years in) I saw a tinder notification pop up on his phone. After a heavy conversation he deleted it and was wildly apologetic. A while back i found out he had it again (like when we had 2 kids and really going through it). He said he wasn't talking to anyone (I saw, there were no chats ongoing), but he was just using it for validation because he was essentially feeling undesired in our relationship.
Did I go through his phone while he was sleeping last night? Yes. Is that bad? Yes. Does he have tinder? Yes. Again, no active chats but swiping and matching for validation. Four photos. Three are older, one of which I TOOK, and one from a year ago with friends in it. He has Snapchat too. Like, wtf is he doing on there I wonder.
Im just sort of gutted. I dont know what I expect from this post. I guess its sort if a "dear diary" rant.