I don’t know if this post should be on here considering we weren’t actually dating, someone lmk if I’m doing something wrong. Long post, sorry about that, I don’t have many people to talk abt this with
I currently go to university. This was november. I met this guy spontaneously through a friend. Right away, I felt that he was strange, possibly putting on some type of “performance” for people. I was drawn to him because of this. He was very charismatic, and able to build shallow friendships with many people easily. When he took me out on a date, I felt that he was replicating things he saw in movies. We moved very quickly, within 3 days he was telling me he loved me and he wanted to marry me. We ended up having sex regularly for about 2 weeks. He said he liked how straightforward and enigmatic I was. It’s important to note that at this time I was about to reach the peak of a manic episode, my first one. I actually got diagnosed with BP 1 because of this whole thing. A series of events occurred, I got very attached very quickly and was extremely open with my emotions and fondness towards him. But it’s important to note that I actually was a problem here. Like it wasn’t just him being unavailable, he actually endured a lot from me. Not so say that he was emotionally receptive, he was not.
He turned cold and cut me off abruptly. He told me he liked me, he cared for me, and it “wasn’t because of the bipolar.” His brother told me he really liked me. My friend told me he kept posting sad songs about toxic love. We had a few short lived spurts of interaction between then and the end of December, which ended in him blocking me. I do remember he said he was too emotionally mature to deal with me.
In February, I found out he had a girlfriend. I actually found out because i saw him in my dorm lobby and I approached him. He had a deer in headlights look and couldn’t really form a sentence until he said he was waiting for his girlfriend. That was it, I left it alone. I found out they were done within a month through a friend. He has a pattern of dating many girls for a short time and then cutting them off. One random day afterwards, we crossed the road at the same time and he had the most somber, almost meek look on his face as he stared at me.
In the start of April, I noticed he had unblocked me because he followed me at about 9pm and removed it 20 minutes later. I screenshotted it immediately and texted him the next day. “What are you trying to do?”And he just kept breadcrumbing me. He said he followed me by accident, but it was like he deliberately kept his responses to a one word minimum. This is where I got a little weak, I asked if he was still interested in me. He immediately referenced sex and asked me to come over. I was so startled that I rejected him but ended up bringing up the request a few days later. Before I brought it up again, I asked him if sex was all I am to him. He never answered directly, he just shut down and said “I’m not interested in a relationship.” One thing I don’t understand, he asked if I was using him. I still don’t know why he cared about that.
So we had very intimate 2 hour sex, essentially. The most intimate sex I’ve ever had with him. I tried my best to keep it clean without any romance because I knew that’s what he wanted. But he kept incorporating romantic concepts, he would be very rough one moment and very romantic and gentle another. It also might be notable to mention that sex was apparently very intimate to him. We made out, we cuddled, he fell asleep on me, etc. Kind of felt like nothing ever happened, like we had always been together. He said to me, “you’re mine.” He complained about the noise and I said, “well next time say no to hooking up.” I didn’t mean it literally. He said “next time? I was under the impression this was just sex.” And I confirmed his belief. He just stood there staring at nothing, seemed to be thinking.
Then he stopped and he walked me home despite me saying no twice. He asked if we could go eat together at a dining hall and I declined. He said some bs like “au revoir” as he left. After this, on text, he was incredibly cold. I asked him if he would like to see me again and he would bring up excuses. I told him that I felt it wasn’t just sex for me and I asked him if he felt the same. I told him I didn’t expect him to want to enter a relationship with me, I just wanted to know his feelings.
He said “I meant what I said.” Referring to the no relationship thing. I said “can’t you just answer that one question for me?” He had never answered any questions of how he felt towards me. I think he felt cornered. He said “I’ve made myself clear. I also don’t owe you anything” and he blocked me. That was it. He’s very deflective. The next night, we walked into each other. He had that same meek look and this time avoided eye contact completely, he just stared at the floor. It looked like he was terrified of me. It’s like he won’t let me in, if I go up to him or try to contact him otherwise he will withdraw even more.
I don’t know why he came back, I’m probably the most intense person he’s ever met. I love very openly. Why would he come back just to block me again? Is he avoidant or does he just not like me? Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with his intricacies.