Today is one of those days when agoraphobia limits my vision of the future
Today is one of those days when agoraphobia limits my vision of the future, when projecting myself into the future feels uncertain. I’m not talking about wanting to end my life; I’m talking about having a sense of direction or projection in life. The truth is, life feels difficult to me. I’ve been unemployed for a year and a half. I’ve applied to many places, but I haven’t received a single call back, and because of my anxiety there are some jobs I simply can’t apply for, and that pressure makes me feel overwhelmed.
Right now, I work teaching online classes, which allows me to earn about 200 dollars a month, but I’ve spent the last year just surviving, not really living. Today I bought myself a pair of 30-dollar sneakers, and it hurt to spend money on that. (My old ones were from 2020.)
I understand that this condition has its ups and downs, but for an adult, not being able to work affects functionality a lot, and agoraphobia makes job opportunities much more difficult.
And that makes me feel as if I were standing in a train station where everyone eventually reaches their destination, while I’m the only one left behind at the station.