My partner doesn't want kids and I do - alternative solutions
I'm 36, and I dream about having kids soon. My primary partner however, doesn't want kids. We've known about this difference from the beginning. My partner suggested, that I could find another partner to have kids with, and then we could also still be partners (rather than ending our relationship). He seem very open and supportive about that. This scenario would be something like, that this new person would then become my primary/nesting partner, and my current partner and I would de-escalate our relationship (we don't live together, or plan on it btw.) My current partner doesn't desire to be a co-parent, but more like an uncle.
I've been with my partner for almost two years, known eachother for 5-6 years as casual lovers/friends before.
I am writing this because I am curious if others has been in a similar situation, have experience with this constellation and have advice.
But also... While I think this solution could possible work out, I am already having some struggles with it. Because, I currently don't feel so open to other romantic/sexual partners. I'm demisexual, and I also tend to focus most of my romantic/sexual focus on my primary partner. I have some longterm fwb/casual lovers, but I've noticed that I gradually have lost interest in having sex with them during these past two years. I do like having the option, if I feel like it. So it feels difficult, opening myself up to a new person, that could become that future co-parent/nesting partner/primary partner. I've also never had two partners at once (closest has been, when I was with my ex, who was my primary and nesting partner, and I had another romantic/sexual relationship where we were in love, it lasted half a year but we never became partners.)
And I also feel grief around, that it's not going to be my current partner, that will be a future co-parent, or my primary, nesting partner. And I have a hard time not clinging on to the hope, that he will change his mind about it. (He has sometimes said, that he might chance his mind). But I just don't have so many years, to wait for him to chance his mind, in regards how many fertile years I have. I don't mind if i become a mom at 40, but later than that might be tricky. And having kids is something you need to want wholeheartedly.
And also... without the kids aspect, I am also noticing, that me and my partner are not compatible as partners in some ways. I'm way more relationship-oriented, and he is more oriented towars himself/autonomy. So I can tell I'm already compromising on my needs, and he might be stretching his boundaries. So I do also consider, if it would be better to actually end our relationship. However, it's not something I want to do, because this relationship is the first relationship I feel truly safe in, and the love we have for each other feels very sweet and healthy. He's kind, grounded, caring, honest, and we share many values. We barely have any conflicts, except for this topic.