u/ApprehensiveTitle572

Fair warning: extreme vent.

For context, I am 22F, my boyfriend is 28M. We’ve been together for almost a year now and have been through some.. stuff. I am well aware I do not have the healthiest of habits or the most amount of self respect.

Long story not so short, met in February of last year (worked together), started talking in May and started dating in June. He was in a relationship at the time we started talking (had no idea). Asked me out not long after the breakup (again, no clue). Found out three months later and trust was immediately gone. Lied about how him and his ex still worked together, started distancing himself majorly, had issues with looking at woman explicitly and non-explicitly on social media. i got pregnant in October, had an abortion in December even though i announced to my entire family and he hadn’t even told his mom 🙂 (given his family lives thousands of miles away and he was afraid of having no back bone even though he is a full grown man). I had zero emotional support from him bc he literally shut down on me and refused to bring a child into that environment. I also was not in a good financial place whatsoever and still am not, got on birth control, bled out for weeks and months. Cried my eyes out for weeks, woke up with bloodshot and puffy eyes every day from the regret and guilt and still cry about it to this day. Hospital visits every week because i would literally not stop bleeding out up until february.

one week post abortion i pretended to be an ex of his and he was eager to meet up with her (she lived 45+ minutes away and it was 10 pm), mind you the night prior to this i asked for space because i legit could not deal with everything (having to basically grieve on my own) and we were laying skin to skin haha. anyways, a month later in january he reached out to his prior ex (the one he works with). they called and texted for days, i had no clue only found out because i went through his deleted screenshots and i quite literally begged him to go back and be with her. we were on and off because i kept trying to leave due to the insane amount of trauma i was enduring in such a short span of time. i have tried time and time again to leave it be and he will show up at my house if i block or don’t respond. trauma bond? idk. he only recently started being more affectionate. flowers every week and dates. before this it had stopped since september and i asked for months.

most of this happened within a span of 5 months and he has now entirely flipped the script but i cannot move on and he will not for the love of god let me go. WHY. to put a person through THAT much and refuse to let them leave?? i don’t understand.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now (11 months). We went through a period of time where things were extremely rocky. The effort was gone, no dates, no affection, no appreciation. I would bring it up at least once a week to the point where I tried to cut things off multiple times but he refused. Around january i found out he was speaking with an ex of his. His thought process was that he didn’t know what we were doing so he decided to reach out. Obviously, this broke me. I still have yet to move on from it and i definitely bring it up often because even though things were so on and off, not once did i think to look for comfort somewhere else. They work together and see each other often which makes the situation worse and it wasn’t the first time they had spoken to each other. The woman claims they are just friends, old ex’s which i fully believe her. Since then as far as i know he hasn’t done anything at all. He’s actually done more for me. Flowers every week, dates, random gifts and surprises. He deleted all social media and only keeps in contact with family and friends. He’s more affectionate and loving. But i can’t for the life of me move on. It all feels so performative rather than comforting and romantic. And i also have this pit feeling in my stomach that he’ll do it again and i’ll never know. The only reason i found out was by going through his phone and finding a screenshot he had deleted because i had this sick feeling i couldn’t get past. I find myself being dry and distant at random times because i randomly get reminded over the smallest things. Just today he asked to go watch a movie & i refused. Because the last time we did, he was in contact with her meanwhile i had to plan and pay for said date because he wouldn’t.

Genuinely how do i get past this? I love him but im also growing and realizing i should’ve never settled in the first place.

TLDR; boyfriend cheated, has now been trying to change but i can feel the resentment building and i don’t know how to help it.