AIO for husband getting annoyed after asking in-laws for childcare support?
I (37F) and my husband (40M) have recently had a beautiful baby girl after a long process of IVF treatment. In August I have to go back to work full time, however the only nursery which works for us location/ hours and government funding is new and has a phased opening, so they can only take daughter in September. Which means we have a whole month we need help with childcare. My daughter by August will be 1 years old, and she is very happy little girl and pretty laid back. With family holidays and bank holidays it works out as 15 days in total where we need support. I’ve asked both my family and husbands if anyone could take her for a day or two. My mother and brother have already said they would support with a few days each week.
My in-laws when asked a few months ago explained that they may now go on holiday for the whole of August (as a joke) but never actually responded or committed to help as we live an hour away. My job is hybrid so I suggested that I could drive daughter to their house for the day, work in one of their spare bedrooms and drive back (I will also be 5 months pregnant at that time), which they explained would make it easier as they won’t drive to our house to help.
This weekend we spoke to my MIL on the phone and brought up August childcare and if she wants to take any dates ok particular. She kept the conversation quite vague and didn’t really say much on the phone and I left it as food for thought.
Yesterday when my husband came home he got in a huge argument with me out of the blue and explained that his parents think it’s a lot of effort to look after their granddaughter and would rather not help. That I have put pressure on them to look after their granddaughter and they are in a position where they can’t say no. They will offer to help one day over the whole month and I should be grateful at that, but as I mentioned I would need to drive my daughter to their house. I was quite taken back by this as I felt my husbands anger was unnecessary, as this support is something we both need (she isn’t just my daughter yet I’m the only one looking for solutions) and they had plenty of opportunities to say no, but chose to say nothing, which is why I assumed it was a possibility. In addition I felt like it wasn’t too unrealistic as they already look after their other two grandchildren (4F, 2M) two days a week (one of which when their mother also has a day off so she can have some alone time) but they do live down the road and see each other every week.
Currently I do so much for in-laws side of the family - I host Christmas every year for 18 + people and they stay on our hours for 4-6 days where they do not help with cooking, cleaning or shopping. This year I’m expected to do the same with a 17 month old and a 5 week old.
I feel like asking for support for maybe 1-3 days over August didn’t seem like a big ask. But should I have taken their silence as a no? I equally don’t want to host their family for Christmas this year if they won’t help with a few days of childcare. But my husband has told me to stop acting childish.
Any opinions please!!!